The Night I lost the Will to Fight

I get on not knowing what is in front of me. I buckle my belt and keep all hands, feet, and other objects inside at all time. It starts out slow, nothing to exciting, then I start to climb, I feel a rush of joy as I reach the top. I'm at my highest high, no one can stop me. Great things are happening. I think I can stay here forever. Then, in a blink of an eye I start to spiral down, down, down. I then start another slow pain full climb to the top only to be greated with another down fall. I see the end in sight and I am ever so happy, but it won't stop. The ride, I can't get off. They won't let me off! No one seems to care, they all seem to sit back, relax, and enjoy it. They smile as I pass by watching me slowly climb to the top and tumble down without control.

Strangers in the Night

- Talking about Bukowski and his awesome way of writing.
- Watching Laguna Beach and making fun of it
- Listening to The Clash, Morrissey, and Saves the Day
- Texting at all times of the day
- You making fun of me because I always look "so deep in thought"
- Explaining to everyone of how we know each other every time we went out
- Watching Green Street Hooligans and me falling in love with it.

Those are just a few things I miss about you.



- Writing in our notebook
- Obsessing over boys we met on vacation
- Being my twin sister
- Our band, which never had a consistent name
- Sliding down your stairs in sleeping bags
- Staying up until 3 in the morning watching our favorite movies
- Saying every line to Bring it On.
- My first and last Titanic buddy

If I could get all those times back I would in a heart beat.



- Sapphire Magic
- The puppy dog club
- Our awesome Halloween costumes
- Our adventures in your backyard
- The science fairs
- The killer dance for On Top of the World for the talent show

Those elementary memories will never fade.



- Swinging on our feet
- Getting matching tattoos on the inside of our lips
- Long lost sisters seperated in Kindergarten
- KEC
- Ugly lawn ordiments
- Piercings
- Texting during school
- Getting overly excited just to see one another

They were all great times that ended to soon.

Lyric of the day

"A girl pukes out the window on a car door. Her childish eyes say 'I don't want this anymore, I want to be a woman, no no see I don't want to be a whore' "
- The Good Life, New Year's Retribution

Innocence

The life through a child's eye is so sweet. If only we could all see the world like they do.

The 23 of June

"I want to burn down this town, make sure I kill all the memories of you, thats what I'll Do".... I could be watching Lukas Rossi right about now, in Des Moines. Up close and personal instead of from where I watched him with Rockstar: Supernova a mere six months ago. I would have only had to pay 20 dollars this time instead of 70 too. Funny how these bands that are made on t.v. break up within six months. INXS and Rockstar: Supernova both did. Crazy cause they were both pretty good. But I guess when you have people like Tommy Lee in a band what can you expect right? haha.


anyway today was boring. I babysat for what seemed like years. they were a pain in the butt for about an hour then they finally settled down after we watched a Strawberry Shortcake movie. We blew bubbles outside too, it was kind of fun.


My Playlist for the past week:
Maria Taylor
Cursive
Ingrid Michaelson
Tori Amos

Ha Ha!

Things like this make me proud she is my best friend...
"They're all sluts. Watch out A7X, you've got competition."

Its true

Today was wonderful.
Simple as that.

Top 5's

Here are my Top 5's of things.

Books.
1. Crank
2. Burned
3. American Skin
4. Impulse
5. Catcher in the Rye


Bands.
1. The Spill Canvas
2. Bright Eyes
3. Dashboard Confessional
4. Copeland
5. The Clash

Shows.
1. Spill Canvas/Copeland
2. Dashboard Confessional
3. Bright Eyes
4. JamisonParker/An Angle
5. Warped Tour 2005

Movies.
1. Pearl Harbor
2. Titanic
3. Alpha Dog
4. Green Street Hooligans
5. High Fidelity


Vacations.
1. San Fran, Cali
2. Gatlinburg, Tennessee
3. Denver, Colorado
4. Branson
5. Minneapolis


Places to visit before I die.
1. London
2. Paris
3. Australia
4. Sweden
5. Denmark

Father's Day

Today was Father's Day.
It was kind of boring.
Went out to eat in Des Moines with my dad, mom and broseph.
Gave dad a card with a small gift to show my appriciation for him.
Came home.
Went to Lauren's and watched High Fidelity.
One of my top 5 favorite movies.
Then came home.

Cleanse Song

I'm happy for you, I really am.

I see your life and I can't help but smile.

I try to hide it, but when no one is around, it comes out.

It brings joy to my life knowing things for you are going so well.

The friendships you've made.

The fascinating stories you tell.

So many opportunities that people only dream of, you live them.

So many things that I know you've wanted, that I know you deserve.

I'm proud of you.

I am happy for you from a distance because being close to you is not my place anymore.

I am so thrilled by these little accomplishments of yours.

The realization that all your dreams are coming true.

Believe me when I tell you, that I feel genuine happiness for you.

But I'm a little sad too, because you're happy in life..... without me.

A Sorta Fairytale

Little girls always dream of their prince charming. Gorgeous men who would come save them on their white horses at just the right moment. They would ride off into the sunset to their big new castle and spend the rest of their lives in happiness with gold, money and other riches. I dreamt this dream once, but it all changed when I got older. I had a different vision of what my prince charming would look like. He wasn't gorgeous, good looking, yes, but not gorgeous and he most definitely did NOT ride in to save me on a white horse. If anything it was a crappy old car that he has had for years because he is nowhere near rich or even close to being able to buy a nice car. My prince would save me just at the right moment and we would drive back to where ever it be that we were living, with no gold, money or riches. We would live in happiness due to each others company, good music and love. Granted a castle and riches would be wonderful. But this is not a princess fairytale, it is my sorta fairytale.

...

I'm confused. Imagine that.

I must belong somewhere

I want to get out. Hit the open road and see where it takes me. A camera, good tunes and a good friend is all I would need. The world has so much to offer and I never get to see it. I am sure I don't belong here for the rest of my life. I want to be free from all that is here. All the things that have trapped me here for so long. Break the chains and fly free, thats what I really want. Right now.

My Confession.

Here is my confession...
For some reason you are out. You were a "friend" for awhile. We used to do things together, hang out, talk, eat lunch together. Then, you used your smooth words and tactics to leer people into doing bad things. You got caught and were punished. But now, now you are back. I don't like it at all. I want you to be gone again. You obviously didn't learn a thing from where you have been for over a year. I used to want you back, I used to think that you may have changed for the better. You haven't, you never will. Your smile that used to be so mischievous, I am sure has not changed either. I don't want you around, you make me nervous. I have yet to see you, but when I do, don't expect love from me like everyone else has shown you. You will get a hostile cold stare with no emotion for you what-so-ever.

The Take Over, The Fun is Over

Adults take things way to seriously. Kids just want to have fun, can they not do that anymore? Is having fun and doing something stupid one time in your life illegal now? I mean come on. 6 kids from my school decided it would be fun to have a food fight on the last Friday of the school year. The cops were called, charges were pressed, news reporters came, it is everywhere now. Kids at Newton High School are just a bunch of hooligans I guess. The food fight was said to be like "combat", okay lets exaggerate just a little bit shall we? Ten years ago if someone was to start a food fight, the teachers would have given them rags and told them to clean it up, but now it has gotten to the point where charges have to be pressed? What the fuck is this world coming to? I am scared to know what things will be like when my kids go to school. It will be like a fucking Nazi Camp.

Check It...

Us Camping...

Priceless

Camping was pretty much fun and relaxing. There was a lot of rain, a lot of food consumed, cool people, not-so-cool people, and a lot of almost floating away.