"Untitled"

I wish I could erase everything from my mind. All the suspicions I have, everything I have read, everything I dream about. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could go back to that day in August. I was happy, you made me that way. If only you actually understood what I am feeling. She likes you, cool. Guess what, I think I love you. Does that mean nothing to you? I wish you would just open your eyes and see what is going on.

I'd just like to say

I genuinely hope he is happy.
I have been thinking about it lately,
all I want is for him to be happy and if he is,
then I am too.
Nothing ever came of us,
but what I got from our friendship I will charish forever.
Our friendship showed me something no one else has been able to show me.
So thank you.

Careful now.

Love. What a fragile word. I thought I found it once, but then I realized I lost it. Then I thought I had found it again, but it is slipping away from me too. Love. It is a word people use so loosely these days. This four letter word has so much meaning to it so much emotion attached to it. When people just throw it around it looses its meaning to some. It is starting to lose its meaning to me. So if you are going to tell me you love me, don't expect much in return, for I won't know if you mean it or if you are just saying it.

him vs you

he might.


you most likely wont.

The Urge.

I really want to go on a road trip.
like right now, this minute.
I could be in colorado by noon tomorrow.
hit up the west coast the go cross country to the east coast.
say fuck it to my life right now,
drop everything and go.
I think it would be perfect and be the answer to what I am looking for.
What am I looking for?
I'm not really sure, but I think I would find out.

you vs him

would you take me?
would you believe me if i told you that you were the best thing to happen to me?
would you hold me again?
would you promise to never let go and mean it?
would you put butterflies in my stomache again?
would you?


will he try to fix this?
will he admitt that he messed up?
will he ever hold me again?
will he ever put butterflies in stomache again?
will he tell me he loves me and mean it again?
will he?

thanks lizzie legend

A Picture in words:
its a bright sunny day. the sky is pure blue. clouds scatter the sky like sprinkles on a cake. a little pigtailed blonde haired girl in a bright sunflower yellow dress swings away on her backyard swing set. the grass beneath her is green as ever, it is the perfect summer day. her big blue eyes are squinting up at the summer sun as she reaches up high as she pumps her little legs. she has the biggest grin on her face. for she knows its summer, she is young and she is free.

Inspired by Becky.

When life throws you a curve what are you really supposed to do?
Go around it to hopefully find a better path that has no curve?
or
Are you just supposed to take the curve and pray you made the right choice?
I think I am safe to say none of us know the answer.
I'm pretty sure we have tried both ways and we always end up where we don't want to be.
So what are we supposed to do?
There are only two ways and neither of them ever work out.
Every problem has a solution, right?
I mean, that is what I have been told since day one.
But,
I am beginning to think that curves really have no right answer,
its just what you make of them.

Time to open those baby blues.

It's never going to work.
A girl can only hold onto hope for so long before she opens her eyes and sees whats really going on around her.
This girl, her eyes are halfway open.
She is still grasping for that last little glimpse of hope, but she can also see the reality.
The harsh reality that has been there all along but was covered up by beautifully painted dreams and colorful words inspired by only the best poets.
She will soon open those big blue eyes of hers compeltely to find nothing but a grey dismal world full of lies, theives and trash just waiting to suck her under.

Update.

I have not really written anything in a while for everything I write never satisfies me. So I will just do a quick update on what has been going on in my life within the past few weeks.

1. There were two boys involved in the stabbing. Went to school with both.
2. Went to The Good Life show. It was amazing and just what I needed.
3. Had strep throat.
4. Now have a killer cold that won't go away.
5. Have worked far to much.
6. Realized I have no social life. At all.
7. Complained, a lot.
8. Missed people.
9. Gotten mad.
10. Missed Barack Obama at the Y do to work.
11. Figured out I HATE working in a pharamcy.
12. Realized I want to go back to the camera department at Hy-Vee Drugstore.
13. Wished that I got to spend more time with people that I care about.
14. Got to see Sydney which made me truely happy.
15. Finally happy it is hoodie weather.
16. Can't wait for Halloween, though I have nothing planned.
17. Happy November is only a few weeks away.

Hmm thats about it. I hope I can back into writing again. This wall in my brain is driving me crazy and I just want it to be knocked down.

Boring little town.

Newton, Iowa. A town of 15.000 people. Home of the Iowa Speedway. Home of the first Maytag washer and dryer. 5 elementary schools, one middle school and a high school with less then 1000 kids in it. A town that people say is a safe and good place to grow up, a town that never has anything exciting happen...until this past Saturday.
So I woke up Saturday like any other normal Saturday, I decide to run to Wal Mart with my mom. On our way back, about four streets over from my house the street was blocked off wth just about every police car Newton has sitting in front of a house that had caution tape all around it. We had no clue what was going on, come to find out later there was a murder. A freaking MURDER, in Newton, now that if effed up. The police and Crime Scene Investigators were there till late Saturday night and gone by Sunday morning. The guy killed was 19 and stabbed 6 times in the back...why?...a drug deal gone wrong, thats why. How fucking stupid are people? The best part is, the guy they charged about an hour ago, did community service at the place I work at, I will feel REAL safe with every community service kid now let me tell you.
So Newton, a nice quiet little town perfect to grow up in because nothing exciting ever happens, just took a turn in the other direction.