At last.

The fire was re lit last night. The joy in her laugh was back. That light in her eyes had never been brighter. Surrounding herself with people who cared. People who could see past her little imperfections. People who could make her laugh until she cried just by saying "BAM". The look in their eyes when they said it was great to see her. The smile on his face when they went out on the porch. The sincerity in their voices when they said to come back again soon.
She finaly felt alive, she let the past three months go just for one night and felt free. Free from all the heartache, pain and loss. She finally turned that page, and realized there is more in the world then what she tought. She couldn't be happier.

Past - Future

So here is my list of things to do in 2007
kind of failed at a lot of it, but oh well.


Graduate with honors - Completed

Get a better and more exciting job - Failed

Learn to trust people more - Failed terribly

Get an old friendship going again - Failed

Go to Warped Tour to keep the tradition going - Completed

Go to as many shows as possible - Completed

See Bright Eyes again - Failed due to mix up on dates

See Death Cab for Cutie - Failed

Make awesome memories - Completed with much happiness

Get another tattoo - Completed

Get more piercings - Failed

Read tons of good books - Failed

Try not to change cause i like who i am right now - Eh completed kind of

Try not to give a shit about what people think about me - Completed





List for 2008

Stay in the B range for college.

Change my lifestyle.

Find someone who likes me for me and who will wait for more then 3 months if necessary.

Go on a road trip.

Go to Warped Tour.

Read a lot.

Go to amazing shows.

Laugh, a lot.

Make memories that will stay with me forever.

Grow my hair long.

Stay fit.

Hold back no feelings, let everyone know what or how I feel about them.

Get more sleep.

Eat more healthy.

Save TONS of money.

Meet someone who will make a difference in my life.

Dance in the rain, under the stars and in the middle of the street.

Camp, a lot.

Just have fun!!


now lets see if I can complete more then half of these.
If I do, it will be the best year ever.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you wished I was. I am sorry I do things you don't approve of. I'm sorry I can't put a smile on your face anymore. I'm sorry I don't live 300 miles closer. I wish you still loved me for who I am. I wish you would look past the wrongs that I make. I wish you knew how much I cared for you. I wish you knew how much you hurt me.

-

You'll will be why I will NEVER EVER fully let someone into my life.
Thanks.

Write...Publish...Never Delete

One thing I hate about myself... I write what i feel at the moment and never think about it before i write and publish it. I also hate that once I hit the publish button I never delete. The delete button is right there but I can't delete what I have wrote because I feel like I am deleteing feelings. I feel as if I am going to delete part of my life. I just can't do it

desire - reversed

i do want those tingly feelings still. i dont want that damn wall up. i am so confused in life right now. i want him to be in my life and make me feel like i used to. ugh i just want answers.

untitled

I am disappointing myself.
I can't seem to write anymore.
I don't know what is with me,
whatever it is, I hope it passes soon.





I have however switched over to christmas music!!
so the playlits goes like this

Under my tree - NSYNC
White Christmas - Frank Sinatra
Blue and Cold - Versus the World
Happy Christmas (war is over) - Street Drum Corps ft Bert
Last Christmas - Roses Are Red

The Listening Post

I thought about writing something different then I ever have. Nothing came to mind though.
Haven't had a play list in awhile so here is what I have been listening to lately.



Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
Desire - Ryan Adams
Closer - Travis
Like I do - Minipop
519 - Matt Wertz
Parker - Automatic Loveletter
Kountry Gentleman - Family Force 5

Desire.

Obviously right now just isn't the time to be with the one who I thought would be worth my time, so no one will be worth it. I think I am just going to go with it. Wherever life takes me, that is where I will go. I am tired of trying to make things work. Here is where my old care free self comes into play. I never used to get these feelings that make me tingle, and I don't know if I want them anymore. I am putting that damn wall back up and not letting anyone into my life anymore then they already are. If they try to get in further, they will hit that wall. If I kiss someone, it will mean nothing. If someone tells me they like me, I will laugh it off and do nothing about it. If I start to get feelings for someone, I will brush them off like a piece of dirt. It is how I used to be and I was happy back then. Maybe, just maybe I can be happy again.