But what are they?

There is a reason why our moms brought us together.
There is a reason why we don't talk anymore.

There is a reason why I thought about you while in his arms.
There is a reason why you like hearing from me once every three months.

There is a reason why I still have a picture in my car.
There is a reason why you didn't delete a different album.

There is a reason why I know it won't go on forever.
There is a reason why you like me so much.

There is a reason why we are still stuck in this town.
There is a reason why we will be here another year.

There is a reason why I call you a close friend.
There is a reason why you and I don't hang out much.

There is a reason why I will always want to call you friend.
There is a reason why you are not allowed to talk or see me.

There is a reason why I left the group.
There is a reason why they didn't try to pull me back in.

There are so many reasons, yet I don't have the answer for a single one.

Fading into the past.

As I sit here, in my room, I can't help but to be reminded of my past. To my right there is a picture of me and kenzie. We are sitting at the state wrestling meet our junior year. We had such big smiles and bright eyes. We had some great times at state. This is the first year we didn't go for years. On the board next to that picture there is one of Lauren, Jeff, and I the first day we met. It was June 14 2005. Yes, I remember the date. We were all gross with sweat. Youth was covering our faces. Now, the three of us never hang out, let alone talk. The wall behind me holds the San Francisco poster I bought in 2003 when I visited there with my family. Five years have gone by and I am still determined to live there one day. To my left there are posters hanging. A Lydia one, I got it in 2006 when my old good friend Christina and I went to their show. An Underoath poster from Warped Tour 2006 holds dear memories of standing in a long line to meet them. A JamisonParker poster is next, three shows in one year, with great people whom I adored with all my heart. Lastly, a Modern Life Is War poster. Just the name of the band itself holds some of my dearest memories. I do wish them all well, seeing as we never get the time to catch up or put any effort into doing so. Sea shells decorate shelves reminding me of a great vacation with three 50 year olds and a 60 year old. Best vacation I have ever been on. On the floor there is a picture with the initials j and d sprawled in the sand. It yells at me, taunting me, wanting to be put where it can collect dust. I can't make myself do it though, too hard. A shot glass sits on the floor of my closet. It's Brookes, we used it my junior year after homecoming. Brooke and I got trashed while Jeremy and Shane took care of us. Everything in my room screams past memories at me. At times it makes me happy, at times it makes me want to scream right back asking what happened? Why are we no longer friends? Why must you haunt me every night? Why? Even every new memory I make will soon fade and become another long lost memory.

Ngi Ne Themba

I can't seem to write anything these days, its all so redundant. I hate it with a passion.
So I guess I will update all three maybe four of my readers of what is going on in my life.

-Jon and I have been dating for a month and a half. He is pretty great.
-School is stressfull.
-I either don't work enough or too much, its never just right.
-I have lost a lot of respect for one girl to whom I try to look out for just as an older sister would do.
-I got to chill with Kenzie today, it was nice, I don't see her as much as I would like too.
-I watched Jumper, Hayden is adorable.
-I have become obsessed with the song The Special Two by Missy Higgins
-I have started talking to JD more, its nice. I didn't completely lose him like I though I might.
-I had a random conversation with Oliver, the lead singer for Bring me the Horizon. He seems pretty chill. Maybe I will catch one of their shows sometime.
-I was sick for about 6 weeks and I am FINALLY starting to feel like my old self.
-I want all the snow to be gone. Its crampin my style.

hmm i think that is about it.

Sea of Doubts.

Is it wrong to compare every person I meet to him? I know it is not fair to them, or even to him. I can't help it. Once you have something great, you just compare everything else to it. I know that he is great, but he is not him (horrible writing but I don't care right now). Why do we do this? I do it with other things as well. I went on a cruise, now every other vacation seems dumb and not as exciting. Once we have something great in our lives, we seem to pick apart every little thing about everythig else just to find flaws. Things we don't like, things that turn us away. Why can we just not be happy with what we have. So what if the person or thing isn't exactly like what I had before? They or it can still be just as good. I wish I could get past this little "he is not you" thing I am going through.




so i know there are spelling mistakes, my spell check on here isn't working. sorry.





Playlist:

Remember to Feel Real - Armor for Sleep
Basement Ghost Singing - Armor For Sleep
Seven Years - Saosin
Finding Home - Saosin