August 22, 2008

Oh the things people think up.
Today, I heard I was pregnant. Anyone in their right mind would know that is a rumor and the funniest thing in the world.

New Light.

It's weird, seeing people in a new light. People whom you think you know so well. They turn and surprise you. A new found light has shed upon a few people just within the past 72 hours. None of them have been good light. Their true colors are revealed. At times, it is almost scary to believe they are ones you cared so deeply for at one point in life. The monsters from within slowly creep out and find you just in time to attack before receding back. The ones you would have sworn by were great people with no bad in them, become people unbearable to even think about. Once again I am left in awe of how people can change in the blink of an eye. These strange new lights will again make me take second glances at the people who enter my life. Precautions will again resurface for awhile.

Lucky Number 8

Wow, I am so in awe right now. 8 gold medals in one Olympics. It's never been done and the world witnessed it tonight as the medley relay team came in first. It was almost heart stopping. I have never really been one to follow swimming, and this year it caught my attention. I was enthralled to see someone the age of my brother accomplish something so amazing. It makes me realize that dreams can come true if you set your mind to it. Michael Phelps is honestly an inspiration to many people in this generations and the ones to come. To an extent I am speechless, I wanted to write something really clever and inspiring, but I am too jittery to do so. Ha, I am sooo lame.

London.

I want to shop at the cutest boutiques. I want to buy the latest shirts and shoes in fashion. I want to sit at the quaintest little bistro having a glass of chardonnay while maybe even smoking a cigarette. I want to walk down the beautiful lit up streets at night. I want to go to The Eye and see it all. I want to walk the pavement some of the greatest punks have walked. Falling in love would be amazing too, but I won't ask for that much. I want to watch him make his dream come true. I want to witness history in the making. I want to do this all with great friends. Maybe, just maybe in 2012 I can.

Same routine.

It's really quite simple, the same routine has started. Lot of talking and smiles on my end. Its how it begins every time. I know what is coming and I know I should stop right now, but I am the weakest person one will ever meet and I will not for anything stop myself. Another let down is just around the corner. Neat.

History.

I'm kind of in love with the boy who made history tonight...





This moment was priceless.

Remember Me as a Time of Day

It's sights like these that make me want to never leave Iowa. The sunset that past couple of days have been breathtaking.

One year to the day.

August 7th, 2007. It was exactly one year ago today. We were sneaking around, going to des moines, kissing in the rain, and promising each other forever. It is all I can think about, the memories are flooding my mind and will not let me come up for air. I can only think of how he doesn't even know, and it hurts to think that. It was of the past though and it is time to just move on. I have been trying for the past seven months to just move on, but I believe this one year mark is really the start of just moving on. We promised each other we would make it to next summer, next summer is officially here as of today and we didn't make it. There is no use in hanging on still. He was the best thing to ever happen to me and the memories will stay with me forever, however, its of the past.

Half Alive.

I'm hiding behind this smile. It's quite the mask, you would never be able to tell. I haven't come out for awhile now. Every attempt I attempt just leaves me broken. I can't go on half living this life on my own. I am sick and tired of it. No, I'm not okay, so stop asking, it's not like anyone cares anyway. I am living half alive, I am so empty inside. Everyone is out enjoying their nights while I sit alone thinking and wondering. Every move I make takes so much effort. Half alive in this world full of lively people. I would give anything to feel alive, fully alive, just once again. Half alive, half broken. I would never think twice of letting any of you live half alive, if only you felt the same for me.