Why You So Obsessed With Me?

Oh thats right, because you're jealous.
I would be too if I didn't have amazing friends.
Great times.
And an amazing mom and second mom.
But, I have all those.
I am one happy and lucky girl.

Photos by Lauren, Missy and my Momma.

Best VMA Award Intro Ever.

Oh facebook...

Usually you seem to know everything about my life somehow.  You always are putting adds on my homepage that have to do with my life.  But when it comes to who I need to "reach out" to, you're not so smart.

My favorite man.

My grandpa was really good looking.  He looked like a movie star.  I keep this picture in my room knowing that he is always looking over me and protecting me no matter what I am going through.

I was his blondie and he was my best friend.  I used to get him his glasses, give him 'slobbery' kisses, steal his jelly bellys and help him pick up prunes that fell from the tree.  He would unplug the phone in his office so L and I could play Saved By The Bell and fake call Zach Morris.  He used to tell us kids that he was going to "Take us back to the Indians"  One time, Lauren and I really wanted to watch a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie so he went to the movie store and got us one, when he got home it didn't work so he drove back to the video store and got us another one.  We used to listen to Frank Sinatra and he would sing every word.  When I would spend the night, I wouldn't be able to go to bed without a huge hug from him.  I had this nail polish from Victoria's Secret once, it was called Waterfall, I was so excited to show him the new color.  He was working on the clock hanging on the wall by the guest room and he told me "I hope I never drink water that color, but it's very pretty."  I giggled and ran away.  He never had a favorite grandchild, but made each of us feel like we were his favorite.  I could sit on his lap for hours watching tv or reading with him.  Too this day, I can remember his smell.  Once in awhile an old man will pass me on the street and I will smell his cologne.  In an instant I am taken back to all these memories and many more.  

 I miss him dearly.

Pre night class boredom.

amazingly new questions, you down?
So down.

the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey?
Nope.  Hickies are for skanks.

did you hold hands with someone of the opposite sex today?
Nope.

more attractive: kisses out of nowhere, or when you know?
Out of nowhere.  They are more special that way.

when you hold hands do you interlock fingers?

 Yes.

when is the next time you will hang out with someone on your top friends?
What is this myspace?  Umm right now.  My roommate is here.

is there someone you’d like to hang out with and just talk?
My best friend, I need her here right now.

first person to speak to you in 2010?
Someone who shall be unnamed.

who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?
Probably Lauren.

have you told anybody you loved them today and meant it?
Yes.

are you wearing anything that doesn’t belong to you?
Everything is actually mine today.

what woke you up this morning?
A door being shut

what was the last drink you had?
Water.

did anything annoy you today?
Annoy isn't the correct word.

what were you doing this morning at 8?
My bed.

have you ever had stitches?
Just on my gums when I had teeth removed.

do you believe ex’s can be friends?
I'm friends with one ex.  Otherwise no, someone always gets hurt.

do you remember who you liked /loved on new years?
Unfortunately.

what is on your mind?
How the fuck can someone lie to you so much and feel okay about doing so?

do you think things will change in the next few months?
Yes, today was the start of a new me.

were you single on your last birthday?
Yes I was.

is there a person from the past that you would like to talk to?
Does my grandpa count?

do you think anyone has feelings for you?
There is one.  The others just lie about it.

do you regret letting someone walk out of your life?
Ha, don't ask me that today.

if you could get a new cell phone right now, which would you choose? 
They all suck in some way or another.

do you care if people hate you?
Not really.

favorite memory of the day?
Singing Adam Lambert in the shower this morning.

last person you kissed, have you had sex with them?
Mhmm.

do you love the last boy/girl you were talking to?
Of course I love my daddy!!

who is someone that can always make you feel better?
Lauren, mom, Rachel.

what is your relationship status?
Not single but not completely taken.

who was the last person to come to your house?
Probably Mike.

look behind you, what do you see?
A wall.

what did you eat for lunch today?
I haven't ate today.  Yeah, I know its 4:30 pm.

the last song you heard?
Take the Fall by Brendan James.

does anyone know your myspace password?
I don't think I even know it anymore.

how late did you stay up last night and why?

11, becaue thats when I went to sleep.

last person to give you a hug?
My mom.

if you had to choose, a million dollars or to be able to change a regret?
A million bucks I suppose.

how long does it take you to get out of bed in the morning?
Two seconds.

was the first person you talked to today male or female?
Female.

have you ever kissed anybody who’s name starts with an a,b,d,j,c,k,m, t?
A. D, J, M, and T.  

what do you think of people who have sex before marriage?
Its a  personal choice.  In my opinion you should care about the person you have sex with, but that isn't always the case.  So whatever, who am I to judge?

have you ever met someone who turned out to be amazing?
Yes.

do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
I could never hate my daddy.

what were you doing at 2am last night?
Tossing and turning.

is the last person you kissed mad at you?
Nope.

is there someone who you can spend every minute with and be happy?
There are a few special people.

do you like to cuddle?
Oh love it.

what do you currently hear at the moment?
The Bridges

have you ever cried during a movie?
I cry at everything, even if its not sad.

how many piercings have you had in your life?
8 but I only have 7 now.

do you use hearts like this < 3 
Nope.  I used it once in a blog.  otherwise i stay away from using things like that.

who else is in the room with you?
Rachel.

Aftermath

This song has been on repeat since 11:30 this morning. Two straight hours so far.
I'll be alright. I know I will. It will take awhile to realize this. I just have to remember I'm not alone.

Adam Lambert.

Not the greatest pictures due to my camera sucking, but oh my goodness.  The way this boy moves.  Wow.  Thats all I have to say.  He is purely amazing beyond belief. 

 

Sleep.

I wish it came easier for me.  Advil and Tylenol PM do nothing for me.
Insomnia is a bitch.

Will I?

Every single word that comes out of your mouth is a lie.  I'm so sick of it.  I let my heart go back to thinking you were the one.

When did I become so naive with things in life?  As I sit here writing this, I am giving a friend relationship advice.  I seem to be able to give good advice but can never follow it myself.  I wish someone would slap some sense into me.  I need to be shook and screamed at.  I need a huge ass wake-up call.  I thought I got one this summer, but I guess it wasn't big enough.  When will I learn?  Will I learn?

Theme Songs

This weeks theme songs are That Phone by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals and All We'd Ever Need by Lady Antebellum. 

First Day.

Today was the first day of my senior year of college.  I wish I could say it was my last year of school, unfortunately it's not.  But oh well.  Pushes the real world off a bit longer.

My two classes were fine.  My night class that was supposed to be three hours was only 45 min.  This cute old man teaches it.  I kind of wanted to go hug him at times.

I'm kind of proud of myself.  I wore shorts to class for the first time since 8th grade.  Thats right, it has been 7 years since I have worn shorts to school.  I finally got over my fear of my legs.  Yay for me!

What?!

Next year I am sure not so funny man, Mitchell Davis, will be on this list.  

This is ridiculous.  These people make money because they sit at home in front of their computer screen for hours on end and act stupid.  

I'm glad I have to spend 20 grand a year to get a degree so that I can make less money in a year then all these people made.

http://finance.yahoo.com/tech-ticker/meet-the-youtube-stars-making-100000-plus-per-year-535349.html?tickers=goog,%5Eixic,qqqq

UNI & TOMS Shoes

This is just one of the reasons I love my school.  TOMS Shoes is finally making an appearance!  I will be attending each of these events even though they result in me missing a few classes.  Reeeaaaaalllllyyyy don't care.  Maybe I can sweet talk someone and get myself into a Shoe Drop (dream big!).  Gah, seriously can not wait.

Beat on the Brat

Its a good day today.  The sun is shining, my air is off and there is a small breeze coming through my window.  I think I am going to start looking at the world with a more positive outlook.  I am sick of feeling down.  There is a whole great world out there waiting for me.  So I am going to go get it!  It's definitely a Clash and Ramones kind of day.     :)

Yepp.

I wrote a blog a few years back about someone.  Re-reading it, all the emotions came back.  I write blogs for a reason and probably should just listen to myself when I write them.  I mean every word I ever write.  I mean them for a reason.  I am seeing that now.




So freaking frustrated with people right now.

Music to My Ears

I am in need of new music.  Too bad I only have $4.59 left on my account.

This is the list that I want:

The Features
Ryan Keen
Amelia Curran
Keith and  Renee
Beth Thronley
Bahamas
Kate Miller-Heidke
Zach Berkman

Lost.

She has it.
He has it.
They have it.
I don't.
I feel like I never will.
<3 vs nothing

Today.

Today has been a good day. I woke up with a smile on my face. This usually does not happen, I knew it was going to be a good day. I was lucky to have lunch with two of my favorite ladies ever, my mom and Jill. Jill will always be like a mom to me. She is so cute and loves me to death. She told me that I am to "Never divorce me! No matter what happens with you and him. Plus, I had you first!". I told her I never would even think about doing such a thing because I loved her too much to do such a thing. After a great lunch, momma and I went grocery shopping. Today I didn't mind it so much. Quality time with the one who loves me the most is something I take for granted sometimes. A great dinner and soon a movie with the family. I will miss days like this when I leave for school again tomorrow. I'm glad it ended on a great day. I love my life sometimes :)

New apt boredom.

Would you ever try Fear Factor for one million dollars? Why or why not?

Negative. I can't stomach half the things they have to do.

If you have a camera, when do you use flash?

When need be.

What would you do with eighty-three crazy straws?

Oh man, have a killer crazy straw party.

If you use hair spray, what brand do you use the most?

Tresemme

Is Catcher in the Rye in your library by any chance?

It used to be. I can't find my copy.

What are your views on recreational fishing?

Its super fun.

What if there was no such thing as the word 'one'?

Then I would never have to hear "He is the ONE" or "She is the ONE"

What do you have automatic sympathy for?

Skin diseases.

What is a cool disposable object?

Everything.

Hilary Duff or Lindsay Lohan? Why?

H. Duff people tend to confuse the two of us.

What is the best thing about a Barbie doll?

Ken.

What is something you'd say in your will?

Lauren gets first pick.

Any thoughts on fake abortion clinics?

Fake abortion? Where are these? Either way abortion is stupid and I am totally against it.

To be or not to be. Is that the question?

Maybe for some.

What was a username you'd thought wouldn't be taken but was taken?

Slmjim i just added the 1221 to the end of it to make it miiiine. Got to love 7th grade track nicknames.

Cherry or peanut ice cream?

Peanut with chocolate.

What is your dream cellphone? Why?

Any phone with a better internet, doesn't lose battery after 2 hours, and that doesnt turn off when you touch the screen.

Would you rather be watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette?

Both are drama filled and fun to watch.

From one to ten, how big of a movie buff are you?

Fiveish, give or take a few numbers.

Who is a celebrity you think will never get into trouble?

Goody goody T, Swift. The worst she has done so far is dump T. Launter. maybe he dumped her, but whatever.

What is an important holiday to you? Why?

Christmas due to the fact that the whole family gets together. Thats rare in my family.

Name a catty girl you really dislike.

I don't name drop in these situations.

What is a museum you would like to go to?

Holocaust.

Personally, do you look better with short hair or long hair?

Eh not sure. I love long hair but I probably look better with medium length.

What was the reason why you last blocked a person from your IM?

I haven't used a form of IM for a long time. I don't think I have even blocked someone before. I just don't respond back simple as that.

What is a cliche thing that happens a lot in anime?

Those little tear drops above the people? I don't watch anime.

What are your views on the cartoon show Invader Zim?

Huh?

If you have some, what is tonight's homework about?

Its summer, son.

If you have one, what is your favorite sushi flavour?

Nasty.

What is the first thing you think of when I say 'Jack'?

Dawson. Titanic, people. come on!

Do you understand JavaScript coding?

Not even in the slightest.

What would you do if you found a gun in your best friend's bedroom?

"Haha is this for when J gets out of hand and doesn't do what you asked?"

What do you call your grandparents?

Grandma

When I say 'Go', you say:

Stop.

What colour do you usually paint your nails?

Black

What would be a cool earring design?

I love anchors but they make those already.

What do you think of raccoons?

Nasty.

Any thoughts on the actor Paul Rudd?

I liked him in Friends and will he ever do a serious or love roll?

Who is the better liar: your mother or your best friend?

Haha L can lie out of her ass!! Proud of her for it too.

Are breast implants something you'd consider? Why or why not?

Nah, my no-boobs will do.

Besides nightmares, what is the scariest thing about sleeping?

The noises in the dark.

Do you find the phrase 'nom nom nom' annoying?

Yes. Damn scene kids use it too much.

Do you look better with red lipstick or black lipstick?

Never worn red, black was hideous and pink looks great.

When was the last time you had chocolate milk?

Never. I hate milk.

Summer 2010 Recap

I had a pretty decent summer.


~Started summer off making dope music videos with the one and only L~



~Took some sexy pictures in the porn affect on Photo Booth~



~Pressure Drop 1 came and went~



~Spent a weekend in Cedar Falls for a friends wedding~




~Babysat my favorite 2 year old in the entire world~



~Chilled with some pretty awesome people~

~Grilled out with a few of my favorite people~



~Watched my brother compete against the best~



~Partied in Cedar Falls night one~



~Night two. Dance party/total shit show~



~Checked out flood damage with K~



~Celebrated the 4th by watching parachuters, playing bocce ball, and watching fireworks~





~The 4th on the 11th with my favorite ladies~



~Took too many pictures of myself~



~Went and saw Vertical Horizon and Sons of Sylvia~






~Pressure Drop 2 was a major success~







~Cleaned and moved out of #232~



~Last night at home = Cowboys Never Die shirt due to all my clothes being packed~



I am sure I missed some vital fun times. But this is the gist of it all.

August 1, 2010

Tomorrow I move back to Cedar Falls.
Starting another new chapter in my life.
I completely moved out of my old apartment yesterday.
A lot of memories there...Dance parties, drinking, Ryan, weird laugh dude, stressful teaching projects, bitchy two faced roommates, awkward moments with bartender in the kitchen, late night movie nights, JD, Laying on the floor with Rachel for two hours too drunk to go to class, horrible cleaning days, doors being tried to broken into, Shaun being Ron Jeremy, The Mystery of the BBQ Sauce, creepy sketchy note the night before finals.
Too many good times mixed with too many bad times.
Last year was great.
This year will be better.

Dreams.

That is all they really are. They are what we wish would happen. That we can only hope and pray will happen. We all wish dreams would come true, but we all know they never will. Its just a figment of the imagination that we like to hold onto hoping that one day life will truly end up so wonderful. So wonderful just like we conjured up in our brains while we were warm fast asleep in bed. Wake up precious ones, dreams will never happen.

Xoxo

Don't you hate it when you really need to say something to someone and you plan it out perfectly in your head while your in the shower but you know you will never ever be able to say it to their face?
Yeah, I hate it too.

Oh Leo.

This man never ceases to amaze me.
I am kind of in love with everything he does.

Pressure Drop.

I kind of adore the people that surround me in my life.

My weekends are amazing sometimes.

Watch what you all missed out on!

Yours truly makes a short cameo at :32

It Never Gets Easier

"All I really need to find is one short clever line to pinpoint my disgust its always just too much or not enough"

I am addicted to this song. Its so spot on for my life right now.

Cover What You Can

This is your fault Lauren. I wanted to go to bed, then I lurked your damn blog.

Another one coming tomorrow!

Got to love surveys.

Be honest, who texted you last? - JD

Do you sleep with the door open or closed? - Slightly Cracked

Did anyone see your last kiss? - Maybe the neighbors

Do you drink tea? - Iced

Have you ever kissed someone older than you? - Yes, all the time.

Do you have plans for tomorrow? - Working.

What’s worse: dry skin or chapped lips? - Chapped lips

Would you be surprised if your parents had another baby together? - I would throw up.

Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation? - California

Do you want to get married? - In the future, yes.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants? - Old cheerleading shorts

So, what if you married the last person you texted? - We had planned on getting married once...

Last person you told a secret to? - Lauren probably.

What are you listening to at the moment? - One More Day by Lydia

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? - Jeff's bed.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? - Lauren, my grandpa, my mom and a select few others.

Are relationships ever really worth it? - Yes, no matter how bad they may seem at the time.

Do you believe in love? - Yes.

When was the last time you saw your father? - A few hours ago.

Have any memories that you’d like to forget? - Like seeing my father almost die? Yes.

Is there someone you really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff? - Lauren, Kenzie, Mom.

Have you ever been called prince or princess? - My mom calls me princess.

Do you think teenagers can be in love? - Not if we are talking 14 and 15 but 18 and 19, yes.

How fast does your mood change? - In the blink of a freaking eye.

Do you have any condoms in your room? - In my apartment room, not this room.

Do you need to say anything to someone?- Just some guy in Des Moines that needs an ass kicking. (This is Lauren's answer, but it fits oh so well)

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? - Mhmm, that I do.

How are you feeling? - Tired.

Do you want someone to call you right now? - No, its bed time.

What do you always take with you? - Chapstick and phone.

Is your bed comfortable? - You bet.

Would you say you’re an understanding person? - At times, yes.

Are you generally a happy person? - Yes.

Who’s in your profile picture with you? - Me, myself and I.

Were you single on Valentines Day? - Nope.

What is the last movie you watched? - Shutter Island.

Do you listen to songs when you’re done? - When I'm done doing what?

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? - Far too long some nights.

Are you talkative? - Nope.

Next vacation you’re going on? I'm not privileged enough to go on vacations.

Were you single last summer? Yep yep!

-----

I have so many blogs saved in my edit folder from the past week.

I can't seem to bring myself to post any of them.

This has become such a boring blog.

I need to keep up with it.

I always feel better whenever I post something.

Even if its something pointless...

Like this.

Music Wednesday

Bands that I think you must check out because they make me feel good...

or because summer wouldn't be the same without them.

-Here We Go Magic

-Twin Sister

-Indian Jewelry

-Wolf Parade

-FM Belfast

-Junip

-Drake

-Katy Perry

-Peter Tosh

-Rancid

Love this kid

True friends never really leave in soul and spirit. Anton and I hadn't seen each other in over a year and a half. Get us back together and its just like old times. I love it!

Spring Break 2007 in Good Ole Pella!

Summer 2010 Grill Out at Red Rock!

New

The new chapter in my life is going to be amazing.

Positive outlook on life starts now.

I love the few friends I have in my life, they are amazing.

3 years.

The hardest part about closing a chapter on your life is comprehending how much it really effected your life. Over the past three years I went through an emotional roller coaster. Ups and downs along the way. Some of the best times in my life and some of the worst times in my life. It was a three year relationship that I thought could conquer anything. A three year relationship that would continue for many years to come. Then, two days ago he closed the book. So, I have to learn how to deal with the chapter being over and realizing there is no more to the chapter. Its done. No one will write more in it. The author ended it.


I can no longer:

Listen to When You're Gone, Sit and Sink, Konstantine, Hey Soul Sister, or Boston without a tear forming in the corner of my eye.
Cook grilled cheese.
Order Cheese Bread.
Play Phase 10 or Mad Gab.
See an Illinois license plate and keep my cool.
Drink Bud Light.
Look at a baseball and not think of him.
Forget all the hurtful words said to me.
Say 'I love you' so easily.
Believe what someone tells me.

Pro vs. Con

I made a Pro and Con list once.
It was right.
They are probably one of the best things to do.

Fact:

In 2009, 97,751 albums were released. Only 12 sold over a million.

Dear Diary

I found an old Diary from freshman year and on Wednesday October 22, 2003 part of the entry went like this...

OMG OMG OMG
I forgot, John Mayer is coming to Iowa. Liz & I have been trying to win tickets to his concert off of KISS 107.5 fm. No luck so far. They are also giving a trip to see him @ Madison Square Garden in New York. Nope. No luck there either.



Little did I know, 7 years later I would finally get to see him. I didn't even have to try and win the tickets off the radio this time!

May 21 2010

I love nights like tonight.
My best friend is amazing.

[Title Here]

I wish you would quit making it so hard and yet so easy for me to get over you.
Keeping on the straight and narrow is the way I live life. I go home alone every night.
You keep it on the wide and crazy. You, you probably never go home alone at night.
I had you and let you go because I had trust issues. Actions are proving time and time again that I made the right choice.
You do things just to make me mad. I try my hardest to not let them upset me.
It doesn't work. You win.
You win every time.
I broke your heart once, you break mine everyday.
I try to tell you not to make mistakes and you think I am stupid and reply with only an 'ugh'.
I gave myself to you, something I promised myself I wouldn't do unless I knew the person was the one.
Tell me I didn't care, I gave up something very dear to me. Tell me I don't care.
I loved you.
I really did.
You've changed. I've grown older. We don't seem to be on the same path as before.
I shed tears.
More then I should.
I think that shows I care.

As Alanis Morrisett said...

"It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced and are you thinking of me when you fuck her"

I need to

scream
cry
punch something
drink
blare really good hardcore music
think
and start over

Ha!

"In life some people trip, but most people fall. And some people turn that trip into a beautiful dance."
Some of the things John Mayer says just kind of makes me smile and giggle.
Why the hell is he on some lame ass skate boarders reality show on MTV right now?
Kind of confused.
Ooohhhh never mind, they are going to a club to get women.
Got it now.

Back in the Day

My best friend and I used to refer to each other as Brooklyn and Jersey because of this movie.
I miss those days.

Denmark

I kind of am proud to say I have part of you running through my veins...
check them out.


New Politics.

New Music Tuesday

I was only able to purchase:
Minus The Bear - Omni -- this band never fails. amazing. check it.

But I also want:
The New Pornographers - Together
Josh Ritter - So Runs the World Away
William Fitzsimmons - Derivatives
Greg Laswell - Take a Bow

Excited

For Tulip Time on Friday and a Girls Day sometime next week. School is over in 24 hours and its time to celebrate with:
Funnel cakes, old friends and relaxation time!

Childhood Memories

I used to listen to this song over and over when I was little.

I always wanted a 'Tall Paul'

Calm Down

THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO MY RANTIN MAJOR BLOG:

Seems my blog that I wrote in about five minutes because I was upset that I had not been able to do fun things for awhile due to school, is causing some uproar.

Not going to lie, I find it amusing.

I did not say "every single person in my town only drinks beer and is only friends with people who drink and does not care about school"

In fact, I know a few awesome people who go to school, are serious about it, and still find time to party during finals.

I am jealous of them. I can not do that. No matter how much my body tells me to just go have fun, my mind won't let me.

So, before everyone goes and gets their panties in a bunch, just take a breath. It will be okay. They were just my opinions at that moment. This is what blogspot is for. To write about what you feel. I wrote what I felt. You can disagree with me, just know that I tend to write things in the moment and disagree with them down the road.

I am allowed to do this.

Discouraged

So I did my first group interview ever at Bath & Body Works the other day. I did not get the job. Why? I have no real reason, but I have my ideas.

1. I have a tattoo
2. I have a facial piercing
3. I did not work at Shags and make it sound like I am the most awesome girl to ever walk the planet.

It is against their codes to have piercings and tattoos. This is not 1952, its 2010. More then half the population of twenty some year olds have tattoos. You can not discriminate against something that is so common in society.

Another thing, group interviewing is completely pointless. What can a manager get out of...

"My name is ________. I am 21 years old. A soon to be senior majoring in Elementary Education and Early Childhood Education. I am very fun and easy going and I love my music. I have worked at Hy Vee and a Teen Club, so I have worked with all sorts of costumers. I got to know all my customers and knew what they wanted when they walked in the door. I think I would work great at Bath & Body because I love to help people and think it would be a great place to grow within a company."

Wanting to know our names, age, schooling and one sentence about why we would be good at a job is nothing to go off of. One can not really get to know a person from 6 short sentences they say about themselves. What I got from the other 6 people there...well nothing. I could not tell you which one would work great at B&B. All I got was two were psych majors, one was a liberal arts major, one an education major and two were out of college. Oh and one of the girls thinks she is all that because she worked at Shags.

If they were to do a real interview they would have found out more about each one of us. They would have been able to see that I am definitely qualified to work at their store. I am just very upset with the whole interview process done at Bath & Body works. Just does not seem right.

I have never been to an interview that the manager doing the hiring wanted to know the most pointless information about us. The information we gave mostly had nothing to do with working.

I kind of hope I never have to do a group interview again. If I do, I hope the questions are more job related then personal life related.

Life is Unfair.

Why is it bad things happen to good people?

I can not seem to grasp what has been going on to some of the nicest and best people that I have met.
They are all very strong people, so I know they will get through it all. I just think it is so unfair.

cancer
cancelled future
car crash
death of a mom & dad

R-A-N-T M-A-J-O-R

Yesterday my mom and I were looking at my yearbook, finding people, then facebook stalking them. I came to a realization that I already knew, but for some reason really became present yesterday. I am one of the only people from my whole town that doesn't either: go to the bar every other night or get drunk every night. All the kids who hated each other in high school now hang out because they have nothing else to do but drink beer. Its sad that friendships in the town are based around beer. Kids couldn't make it in college so they come back home, get fat and waste their lives away.
I have my priorities straight and my life half way in order. The past two weeks I have been studying my ass off for finals because I am serious about my future and want good things to happen in my life. The rest of the world is out at the bars, or partying in living rooms. I have my nose in a book and they have their mouths around a beer bottle. I feel like I have no time to eat, breathe, or sleep, let alone go out get drunk and mingle with people who I could really care less about.
Sometimes I wish that I was able to put school off and act as if it were no big deal. I can't though. I see where the world is going and for kids my age, its not going somewhere good. To get a job once I graduate will be close to impossible, even with a degree. It used to be if you had a degree there were more then enough jobs to go around. Now, a degree almost means nothing. However, if I am working towards a degree, I might as well get it with the feeling of satisfaction of knowing I did my best to earn it. That the thousands upon thousands of dollars I spent were not wasted by getting Cs in all my classes due to my irresponsibleness of drinking every night.
Maybe I was just brought up different. I was brought up in a household where school was important and the party scene wasn't. I think I am grateful for that. It will take me far in life.


Anyways, that was my rant for the day. Time to study more. Hope you all enjoy your beer :)