To the one who will never read it.

You re leaving at the end of month and I will still not have my answers. I still had the slightest bit of hope that you would talk to me and we could possibly be friends, up until today. I realized that you are not man enough to talk to me. I realized you are not who I thought you were when I first fell for you. I had contemplated going against my morals and what I stood for when I was around you and now I am glad I didn't do what I thought I might. I would have regretted it fully.
I hate saying "it's too late", but I am afraid I have to say it about us. I don't know what happened to the boy I met and got to know, but I wish he would resurface, if only for one night. I wish he would come around to talk to me like he used to. Tell me things that I thought were true. Its pathetic really. It's like I long for that boy. The words, they were all so perfect. I suppose that should have been a warning sign for me to turn and leave. I believed them though. You made them sound so sincere. We got along, I miss that. I miss being able to talk to you and have you listen. I miss how when I stayed at your house and got the worst cold in history, I looked like hell washed over me and you still held me in your arms. I miss the way you and I would sit before Lit and criticize every person that walked by, we were both horrible and we both loved it. We could laugh together, it was real. I hadn't been that happy in a long time.
I'm scared again now. I am scared to let someone get close, I had broken that wall down with you and you made me put it back up. I'm afraid now. I am afraid to trust what anyone may say to me again. All the fears I once had that you made vanish are now back. I must start all over again. You made me want to believe in something I thought I never would. Now, I'm back to not believing.

I'm done now. I have so much more to say but its too personal to put on a blog spot. I know you won't read this, so I don't know what the point is. It feels good though. I don't want people to know any of this, yet I want them to know it all.