December 22, 2009

I wish that some people in my life would just cut the bullshit and be totally honest about something, just for once.

Isn't this the fucking truth.

The Hard Facts.

Appearance:
I am taller then 5 foot 10 inches.
I have a few scars.
I have hair that does not grow.
I am pale and burn easily.
I have a two tattoos.
I have seven piercings.
I am self-conscious about my body.
I had braces.
I wear glasses when I am really tired.
I get freckles in the summer.
I have really pretty eyes.
I hate my natural hair color.
I wear the same things all the time.
I never go anywhere without at least some mascara on.
I think everyone is always looking at me, hence the self-consciousness.


Family/Home Life:
I have a mother who is one of my best friends.
I have a father.
I have a 24 year old brother.
I want children someday.
I want a husband someday.
I have never runaway.
I have never been kicked out.
I was grounded twice when I lived at home.
I never made curfew when it involved me going to Marshalltown or Pella.
I miss my house, but I am glad I am living on my own.
I want my own big house with stellar decor one day.

Embarrassment:
I have actually said 'lol' in a conversation.
I have said sayings such as "She lives in a house type thing" and "On dry land"
I have ripped my pants at work.
I snort once in awhile while laughing.
I once told Chris Brown (not the rapper) that he was "really hot".

Health:
I have an immune system disease.
I had strep throat half my 4th grade year.
I have broken my arm.
I have never had surgery.
I have had my wisdom teeth removed.
I have had chicken pox.
I have a huge fear of doctor needles.
I survived living in a house with someone who had H1N1 without getting it.
I am scared of hospitals, I stay away as much as possible.

Traveling:
I have been to California.
I have been to Colorado.
I have been to Tennessee.
I have been to Jamaica.
I have been to Grand Cayman.
I have been to Cozumel, Mexico.
I want to go to Africa.
I want to go to Australia.
I want to go to London.
I want to go to Sweden.
I want to go back to California.
I want to travel the world.
I love to drive on the interstate.
I love airplanes.

Experiences:
I have been on a cruise.
I have bought TOMS shoes and gave a child in need a pair of shoes.
I have gone to college.
I have been friends with people in a band.
I have met many bands.
I have met someone I met on the Internet, in person.
I have witnessed my grandfathers death.
I have had to call 911 for my father.
I watched my father almost die.
I have seen 2 shooting stars.
I have kissed in the rain.
I have danced in the rain.
I have met Conor Oberst.
I have peed in Conor Oberst's bathroom.
I have witnessed my brother become an All American in track and field.

Relationships:
I’m single.
I’m available.
I have been set up with someone.
I have been the dumper more than the dumpee.
I break hearts really well.
I get my heart broken a lot.
I miss a few someones right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I want someone to love me as much as I love them.
I have had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I have been in love with someone I never even dated.
I keep memories of certain people really close to my heart.
I do not lie and will not put up with lying.


Sexuality:
I prefer boys.
I adore boys with tattoos and who are jerks/hard to get.
I have had a crush on someone of the same gender.
I have kissed a member of the same gender.
I am a cuddler.
I like to hold hands.
I have kissed in the rain.
I have been kissed by a stranger.
I tend to kiss people the first night I meet them.
I have kissed a stranger.
I used to kiss my best guy friend.

Honesty/Crime:
I have done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I have done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I have drank underage.
I have smoked underage.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I have cheated on a test.
I used to be really good friends with a criminal.
I have been pulled over once.
I have been in a vehicle that has been pulled over.

Drugs/Alcohol:
I have drank alcohol.
I have smoked a cigarette.
I have smoked pot.
I drink every Thursday night, religiously.
I have never done hard drugs.

Future:
I want to have a family.
I want to move out of Iowa.
I want to graduate with a Bachelors degree in Elementary Ed and Early Childhood.

Dreams:
I want to live in Omaha, California, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas etc. and a foreign country.
I want to teach in Africa.
I want to find myself.
I want to find him.
I want to travel the world.
I want to sit overlooking a city of lights and just watch.
I want to skydive.
I want to matter to someone.
I want to learn sign language.
I want to meet Adam Lambert.
I want to see Death Cab, Lady GaGa, Michael Buble and Hanson (again) before they or I die.

Randoms
My albums MUST be in alphabetical order right to left NOT left to right
I have had a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio since I was 4 years old.
Frank Sinatra will always be one of my favorite singers.
I used to be in love with Adam Bolts of The Beat Strings.
If I am in the mood where I think the world might end, I listen to Panic! At the Discos first album.
I hate using the word concerts for shows, and cds for albums.
Math and Science are my worst subjects.
I am very independent in life.
TOMS shoes are my favorite matched with v-necks, a sweater and skinny jeans.
I hate forgiving people.
I do not tolerate a lot of people.
I always wanted to marry Michael Jackson.
I have strong feels about people and things, that will never change.
You just learned a lot about me, and also wasted a lot of time.
Thanks :)

Postsecret Worthy.

*I have come to terms that I never see you anymore. It used to kill me at the thought of us not being so tight, but now I am okay with that.

*I really wish you would come visit me once in awhile. I don't think it would kill you.

*You were the stupidest one and a half month boyfriend/mistake I have ever had/made. Congrats on the sudden engagement.

*Every time I get a text, a little part of me hopes it is from you. It never is, but there is a little piece of me that keeps holding on.

*I am so glad we clicked. I couldn't have made it through this semester without you.

*I am sorry I led you on and then left you hanging. That is the bitch inside me.

*I am really glad you text me a month ago, I hope we rekindle a long lost friendship.

*You're like a bad penny, you keep coming back.

*Ever wonder what could have been? Ya know, back in 2007? I know I do.

*I wanted us to work out, too bad I got scared.

*I really wish what you said to me was true.

*You really were just someone to help me pass the time, I don't go for douchey dudes. Thanks for proving that all douche bags are the same :)

*Where have you been? My recent calls list doesn't even have your name.

*I miss having you to call boyfriend. I miss you calling me girlfriend. I miss fooling everyone at work.

*I never see you and we live in the same town still. Kind of bums me out.

*I never liked you and never will. Please do not corrupt her.

(Untitled)

-My favorite thing about Adam Lambert besides his smile and eyes well and voice, is the fact that every time he preforms Whatya Want From Me live, it is different. Meaning, he can actually sing and has some major talent. I wish the world would get over the fact that he is gay and oh my god, kissed a dude on the AMAs. Big freaking deal. The kid has talent.

-My favorite thing about Jason Castro is well, everything. Let's Just Fall In Love Again has got to be the cutest song I have heard in a long time. He seems to have grown since the days of Idol. More mature and even a better voice. Pretty stoked for his album to drop. Too bad I still have to wait about two months.

Text from 2007.

I found an old phone and read through all the texts. I used to get some of the best texts from people. For some reason, these are a few of the ones I kept on there.


"Winter is coming...wanna run away to California?"

"Oh well if you wanna get away we can watch some reba or catch some fireflies if you want."

"I now know why you make out with all your guys lol."

"I love u ur so gosh darn pretty and u got those eyes oh they just make me pour out in tears is what they do"

"Yeah bitches wanna be us"

"Just may suck if it doesnt work out. I just hope i fall ridiculously in love. the kind you lay in Chicago traffic for."

"Hey! Cant fucking make it due to my sisters open house is tomorrow like yours. super jealous of cody! have fun and i hope u make a lot of money"

Rambled, put together thoughts.

"I wanna show ya that my love is pure"
It is musicians like Trevor Hall that make me want to be a really great person. In these days though, it is really hard. I can no longer look at the people I used to hang out with and love them with the same love I once had. I have grown up and they are still stuck where they were five years ago when I met them. It is the same story every time I see them. "I want to change my life." "I wish I could do something to make my life better." "I want to make things right for her, for us." I am sick of hearing it. I am sorry dears, but nothing will be right if you do not do something about it. You all are never seen without a beer in your hand. Ever stopped for a second and thought that maybe that is the reason you can not get your life together? You think you have your priorities straight, but they are no where near straight.
I have become someone different. I have realized there is so much out there in the world to be discovered. I have gotten out of the town that I always felt held me back for 20 long years. I sat and complained about it for far too long. I opened my eyes and realized I am the only who can change that. I could no longer sit there with a beer and cig in my hand bitching about my life and expecting that to make the change. I was the only one who could do that.
I am finally free of the people and chains that held me down while I was younger. I no longer want to surround myself with people who bring me down. I want to be surrounded by the people who genuinely care about me, not just themselves. I want to be around the people who like to have fun and not sit and pout about their horrible lives.

"Seek and you'll find, whats inside. Flow down the river till you're free and you'll see love divine"
Its funny how one musician can make you realize that you can change your life and that there is so much out there. I decided to flow down the river, and I am finally free. I have found love in some of the best girls I think I ever could. The friendship is real and the love is pure. It has been too long since I felt this way. Growing up has been the hardest thing I have been through in a long time, but it has been the best thing in the world. I see the world in such a different way. I can not wait to discover more of what the world has instore for me.



Jammin:
Trevor Hall - seriously, if you have never listened to him, do it. But actually listen to him. Sit somewhere quite and listen to the lyrics. If he does not make you open your eyes and change you in some form....well then, I don't know what to think of you.

Forgotten.

Worst feeling in the world.

Music on a Snowy Tuesday

Thumbs up:
Hanson - Stand Up Stand Up Ep
30 Seconds to Mars - This is War
Chris Brown - Graffiti
Neil Young - Dreamin Man Live '92
Timbaland - Shock Value II


Thumbs Down:
We The Kings - Smile Kids (faaaar too cliche)
Puddle of Mudd - Volume 4 Songs in the Key of Love and Hate (who honestly still listens and likes this band?)
Gucci Mane - The State vs Radric Davis (he is just plain bad)

Love

Brothers.

Go see it.
It is powerful and so intense...especially if you know someone in the Army or Marines.
Tobey Maguire's preformance is top notch.
Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman are nothing short of amazing either.

Best News in a long time....

Something Corporate is back!
Good music will live again.
Anyone want to go to Anaheim, California on March 27 and 28th with me?
It is a Saturday and Sunday.
You know you want to.
Fuck Jacks Mannequin and see Andrew where he is at his ultimate best.
Take yourself back to middle school, its the least you could do for yourself.
Have some fun.

That Girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to cut my bangs two centimeters from my hairline.
I do not want to have to have tattoos visible for the entire world to see.
I do not want to have to sleep with every guy I meet.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to know every guy in the towns of Des Moines, Cedar Falls and Iowa City.
I do not want to have to become vegetarian or vegan.
I do not want to have to listen to shitty pop/punk bands.
I do not want to have to dye my hair whiteblonde.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to give up all my morals for a guy.
I do not want to have to cake on make up to look like a doll.
I do not want to have to only wear clothes that look vintage.
I do not want to have to be a complete bitch to everyone I meet because it makes me feel better about myself.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to give up eating all together to be a size 0 or 1.
I do not want to have to look like I walked out of a pin up magazine every second of every day.
I do not want to have to be friends with every person in a 'band' in the state of Iowa.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

Too bad this is the girl you have to be these days.

Clean Up.

Before:
6895 songs
116.4 days
28 GB

After:
6783 songs
83.3 days
27.14 GB


Turns out I had a song that was 700 minutes long. Ha. That cleared up some space!
Cleaning out my Ipod has got to be one of the hardest things ever.
This is going to be a long process.

Tuesday.

New music Tuesdays have really sucked the last few weeks.

Lady Gaga
Adam Lambert
John Mayer

Those are the only three I HIGHLY recommend from the past couple weeks. I am just not feeling anything lately.

The new Bravery did not catch my ear like I hoped it might. Little cute Allison Iraheta from American Idols new album is a typical 17 year old album.

I need some new amazing music.