New apt boredom.

Would you ever try Fear Factor for one million dollars? Why or why not?

Negative. I can't stomach half the things they have to do.

If you have a camera, when do you use flash?

When need be.

What would you do with eighty-three crazy straws?

Oh man, have a killer crazy straw party.

If you use hair spray, what brand do you use the most?

Tresemme

Is Catcher in the Rye in your library by any chance?

It used to be. I can't find my copy.

What are your views on recreational fishing?

Its super fun.

What if there was no such thing as the word 'one'?

Then I would never have to hear "He is the ONE" or "She is the ONE"

What do you have automatic sympathy for?

Skin diseases.

What is a cool disposable object?

Everything.

Hilary Duff or Lindsay Lohan? Why?

H. Duff people tend to confuse the two of us.

What is the best thing about a Barbie doll?

Ken.

What is something you'd say in your will?

Lauren gets first pick.

Any thoughts on fake abortion clinics?

Fake abortion? Where are these? Either way abortion is stupid and I am totally against it.

To be or not to be. Is that the question?

Maybe for some.

What was a username you'd thought wouldn't be taken but was taken?

Slmjim i just added the 1221 to the end of it to make it miiiine. Got to love 7th grade track nicknames.

Cherry or peanut ice cream?

Peanut with chocolate.

What is your dream cellphone? Why?

Any phone with a better internet, doesn't lose battery after 2 hours, and that doesnt turn off when you touch the screen.

Would you rather be watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette?

Both are drama filled and fun to watch.

From one to ten, how big of a movie buff are you?

Fiveish, give or take a few numbers.

Who is a celebrity you think will never get into trouble?

Goody goody T, Swift. The worst she has done so far is dump T. Launter. maybe he dumped her, but whatever.

What is an important holiday to you? Why?

Christmas due to the fact that the whole family gets together. Thats rare in my family.

Name a catty girl you really dislike.

I don't name drop in these situations.

What is a museum you would like to go to?

Holocaust.

Personally, do you look better with short hair or long hair?

Eh not sure. I love long hair but I probably look better with medium length.

What was the reason why you last blocked a person from your IM?

I haven't used a form of IM for a long time. I don't think I have even blocked someone before. I just don't respond back simple as that.

What is a cliche thing that happens a lot in anime?

Those little tear drops above the people? I don't watch anime.

What are your views on the cartoon show Invader Zim?

Huh?

If you have some, what is tonight's homework about?

Its summer, son.

If you have one, what is your favorite sushi flavour?

Nasty.

What is the first thing you think of when I say 'Jack'?

Dawson. Titanic, people. come on!

Do you understand JavaScript coding?

Not even in the slightest.

What would you do if you found a gun in your best friend's bedroom?

"Haha is this for when J gets out of hand and doesn't do what you asked?"

What do you call your grandparents?

Grandma

When I say 'Go', you say:

Stop.

What colour do you usually paint your nails?

Black

What would be a cool earring design?

I love anchors but they make those already.

What do you think of raccoons?

Nasty.

Any thoughts on the actor Paul Rudd?

I liked him in Friends and will he ever do a serious or love roll?

Who is the better liar: your mother or your best friend?

Haha L can lie out of her ass!! Proud of her for it too.

Are breast implants something you'd consider? Why or why not?

Nah, my no-boobs will do.

Besides nightmares, what is the scariest thing about sleeping?

The noises in the dark.

Do you find the phrase 'nom nom nom' annoying?

Yes. Damn scene kids use it too much.

Do you look better with red lipstick or black lipstick?

Never worn red, black was hideous and pink looks great.

When was the last time you had chocolate milk?

Never. I hate milk.

Summer 2010 Recap

I had a pretty decent summer.


~Started summer off making dope music videos with the one and only L~



~Took some sexy pictures in the porn affect on Photo Booth~



~Pressure Drop 1 came and went~



~Spent a weekend in Cedar Falls for a friends wedding~




~Babysat my favorite 2 year old in the entire world~



~Chilled with some pretty awesome people~

~Grilled out with a few of my favorite people~



~Watched my brother compete against the best~



~Partied in Cedar Falls night one~



~Night two. Dance party/total shit show~



~Checked out flood damage with K~



~Celebrated the 4th by watching parachuters, playing bocce ball, and watching fireworks~





~The 4th on the 11th with my favorite ladies~



~Took too many pictures of myself~



~Went and saw Vertical Horizon and Sons of Sylvia~






~Pressure Drop 2 was a major success~







~Cleaned and moved out of #232~



~Last night at home = Cowboys Never Die shirt due to all my clothes being packed~



I am sure I missed some vital fun times. But this is the gist of it all.

August 1, 2010

Tomorrow I move back to Cedar Falls.
Starting another new chapter in my life.
I completely moved out of my old apartment yesterday.
A lot of memories there...Dance parties, drinking, Ryan, weird laugh dude, stressful teaching projects, bitchy two faced roommates, awkward moments with bartender in the kitchen, late night movie nights, JD, Laying on the floor with Rachel for two hours too drunk to go to class, horrible cleaning days, doors being tried to broken into, Shaun being Ron Jeremy, The Mystery of the BBQ Sauce, creepy sketchy note the night before finals.
Too many good times mixed with too many bad times.
Last year was great.
This year will be better.

Dreams.

That is all they really are. They are what we wish would happen. That we can only hope and pray will happen. We all wish dreams would come true, but we all know they never will. Its just a figment of the imagination that we like to hold onto hoping that one day life will truly end up so wonderful. So wonderful just like we conjured up in our brains while we were warm fast asleep in bed. Wake up precious ones, dreams will never happen.

Xoxo

Don't you hate it when you really need to say something to someone and you plan it out perfectly in your head while your in the shower but you know you will never ever be able to say it to their face?
Yeah, I hate it too.

Oh Leo.

This man never ceases to amaze me.
I am kind of in love with everything he does.

Pressure Drop.

I kind of adore the people that surround me in my life.

My weekends are amazing sometimes.

Watch what you all missed out on!

Yours truly makes a short cameo at :32

It Never Gets Easier

"All I really need to find is one short clever line to pinpoint my disgust its always just too much or not enough"

I am addicted to this song. Its so spot on for my life right now.

Cover What You Can

This is your fault Lauren. I wanted to go to bed, then I lurked your damn blog.

Another one coming tomorrow!

Got to love surveys.

Be honest, who texted you last? - JD

Do you sleep with the door open or closed? - Slightly Cracked

Did anyone see your last kiss? - Maybe the neighbors

Do you drink tea? - Iced

Have you ever kissed someone older than you? - Yes, all the time.

Do you have plans for tomorrow? - Working.

What’s worse: dry skin or chapped lips? - Chapped lips

Would you be surprised if your parents had another baby together? - I would throw up.

Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation? - California

Do you want to get married? - In the future, yes.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants? - Old cheerleading shorts

So, what if you married the last person you texted? - We had planned on getting married once...

Last person you told a secret to? - Lauren probably.

What are you listening to at the moment? - One More Day by Lydia

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? - Jeff's bed.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to? - Lauren, my grandpa, my mom and a select few others.

Are relationships ever really worth it? - Yes, no matter how bad they may seem at the time.

Do you believe in love? - Yes.

When was the last time you saw your father? - A few hours ago.

Have any memories that you’d like to forget? - Like seeing my father almost die? Yes.

Is there someone you really like to hang out with and just talk about stuff? - Lauren, Kenzie, Mom.

Have you ever been called prince or princess? - My mom calls me princess.

Do you think teenagers can be in love? - Not if we are talking 14 and 15 but 18 and 19, yes.

How fast does your mood change? - In the blink of a freaking eye.

Do you have any condoms in your room? - In my apartment room, not this room.

Do you need to say anything to someone?- Just some guy in Des Moines that needs an ass kicking. (This is Lauren's answer, but it fits oh so well)

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? - Mhmm, that I do.

How are you feeling? - Tired.

Do you want someone to call you right now? - No, its bed time.

What do you always take with you? - Chapstick and phone.

Is your bed comfortable? - You bet.

Would you say you’re an understanding person? - At times, yes.

Are you generally a happy person? - Yes.

Who’s in your profile picture with you? - Me, myself and I.

Were you single on Valentines Day? - Nope.

What is the last movie you watched? - Shutter Island.

Do you listen to songs when you’re done? - When I'm done doing what?

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night? - Far too long some nights.

Are you talkative? - Nope.

Next vacation you’re going on? I'm not privileged enough to go on vacations.

Were you single last summer? Yep yep!

-----

I have so many blogs saved in my edit folder from the past week.

I can't seem to bring myself to post any of them.

This has become such a boring blog.

I need to keep up with it.

I always feel better whenever I post something.

Even if its something pointless...

Like this.

Music Wednesday

Bands that I think you must check out because they make me feel good...

or because summer wouldn't be the same without them.

-Here We Go Magic

-Twin Sister

-Indian Jewelry

-Wolf Parade

-FM Belfast

-Junip

-Drake

-Katy Perry

-Peter Tosh

-Rancid

Love this kid

True friends never really leave in soul and spirit. Anton and I hadn't seen each other in over a year and a half. Get us back together and its just like old times. I love it!

Spring Break 2007 in Good Ole Pella!

Summer 2010 Grill Out at Red Rock!

New

The new chapter in my life is going to be amazing.

Positive outlook on life starts now.

I love the few friends I have in my life, they are amazing.

3 years.

The hardest part about closing a chapter on your life is comprehending how much it really effected your life. Over the past three years I went through an emotional roller coaster. Ups and downs along the way. Some of the best times in my life and some of the worst times in my life. It was a three year relationship that I thought could conquer anything. A three year relationship that would continue for many years to come. Then, two days ago he closed the book. So, I have to learn how to deal with the chapter being over and realizing there is no more to the chapter. Its done. No one will write more in it. The author ended it.


I can no longer:

Listen to When You're Gone, Sit and Sink, Konstantine, Hey Soul Sister, or Boston without a tear forming in the corner of my eye.
Cook grilled cheese.
Order Cheese Bread.
Play Phase 10 or Mad Gab.
See an Illinois license plate and keep my cool.
Drink Bud Light.
Look at a baseball and not think of him.
Forget all the hurtful words said to me.
Say 'I love you' so easily.
Believe what someone tells me.

Pro vs. Con

I made a Pro and Con list once.
It was right.
They are probably one of the best things to do.

Fact:

In 2009, 97,751 albums were released. Only 12 sold over a million.

Dear Diary

I found an old Diary from freshman year and on Wednesday October 22, 2003 part of the entry went like this...

OMG OMG OMG
I forgot, John Mayer is coming to Iowa. Liz & I have been trying to win tickets to his concert off of KISS 107.5 fm. No luck so far. They are also giving a trip to see him @ Madison Square Garden in New York. Nope. No luck there either.



Little did I know, 7 years later I would finally get to see him. I didn't even have to try and win the tickets off the radio this time!

May 21 2010

I love nights like tonight.
My best friend is amazing.

[Title Here]

I wish you would quit making it so hard and yet so easy for me to get over you.
Keeping on the straight and narrow is the way I live life. I go home alone every night.
You keep it on the wide and crazy. You, you probably never go home alone at night.
I had you and let you go because I had trust issues. Actions are proving time and time again that I made the right choice.
You do things just to make me mad. I try my hardest to not let them upset me.
It doesn't work. You win.
You win every time.
I broke your heart once, you break mine everyday.
I try to tell you not to make mistakes and you think I am stupid and reply with only an 'ugh'.
I gave myself to you, something I promised myself I wouldn't do unless I knew the person was the one.
Tell me I didn't care, I gave up something very dear to me. Tell me I don't care.
I loved you.
I really did.
You've changed. I've grown older. We don't seem to be on the same path as before.
I shed tears.
More then I should.
I think that shows I care.

As Alanis Morrisett said...

"It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced and are you thinking of me when you fuck her"

I need to

scream
cry
punch something
drink
blare really good hardcore music
think
and start over

Ha!

"In life some people trip, but most people fall. And some people turn that trip into a beautiful dance."
Some of the things John Mayer says just kind of makes me smile and giggle.
Why the hell is he on some lame ass skate boarders reality show on MTV right now?
Kind of confused.
Ooohhhh never mind, they are going to a club to get women.
Got it now.

Back in the Day

My best friend and I used to refer to each other as Brooklyn and Jersey because of this movie.
I miss those days.

Denmark

I kind of am proud to say I have part of you running through my veins...
check them out.


New Politics.

New Music Tuesday

I was only able to purchase:
Minus The Bear - Omni -- this band never fails. amazing. check it.

But I also want:
The New Pornographers - Together
Josh Ritter - So Runs the World Away
William Fitzsimmons - Derivatives
Greg Laswell - Take a Bow

Excited

For Tulip Time on Friday and a Girls Day sometime next week. School is over in 24 hours and its time to celebrate with:
Funnel cakes, old friends and relaxation time!

Childhood Memories

I used to listen to this song over and over when I was little.

I always wanted a 'Tall Paul'

Calm Down

THIS IS IN RESPONSE TO MY RANTIN MAJOR BLOG:

Seems my blog that I wrote in about five minutes because I was upset that I had not been able to do fun things for awhile due to school, is causing some uproar.

Not going to lie, I find it amusing.

I did not say "every single person in my town only drinks beer and is only friends with people who drink and does not care about school"

In fact, I know a few awesome people who go to school, are serious about it, and still find time to party during finals.

I am jealous of them. I can not do that. No matter how much my body tells me to just go have fun, my mind won't let me.

So, before everyone goes and gets their panties in a bunch, just take a breath. It will be okay. They were just my opinions at that moment. This is what blogspot is for. To write about what you feel. I wrote what I felt. You can disagree with me, just know that I tend to write things in the moment and disagree with them down the road.

I am allowed to do this.

Discouraged

So I did my first group interview ever at Bath & Body Works the other day. I did not get the job. Why? I have no real reason, but I have my ideas.

1. I have a tattoo
2. I have a facial piercing
3. I did not work at Shags and make it sound like I am the most awesome girl to ever walk the planet.

It is against their codes to have piercings and tattoos. This is not 1952, its 2010. More then half the population of twenty some year olds have tattoos. You can not discriminate against something that is so common in society.

Another thing, group interviewing is completely pointless. What can a manager get out of...

"My name is ________. I am 21 years old. A soon to be senior majoring in Elementary Education and Early Childhood Education. I am very fun and easy going and I love my music. I have worked at Hy Vee and a Teen Club, so I have worked with all sorts of costumers. I got to know all my customers and knew what they wanted when they walked in the door. I think I would work great at Bath & Body because I love to help people and think it would be a great place to grow within a company."

Wanting to know our names, age, schooling and one sentence about why we would be good at a job is nothing to go off of. One can not really get to know a person from 6 short sentences they say about themselves. What I got from the other 6 people there...well nothing. I could not tell you which one would work great at B&B. All I got was two were psych majors, one was a liberal arts major, one an education major and two were out of college. Oh and one of the girls thinks she is all that because she worked at Shags.

If they were to do a real interview they would have found out more about each one of us. They would have been able to see that I am definitely qualified to work at their store. I am just very upset with the whole interview process done at Bath & Body works. Just does not seem right.

I have never been to an interview that the manager doing the hiring wanted to know the most pointless information about us. The information we gave mostly had nothing to do with working.

I kind of hope I never have to do a group interview again. If I do, I hope the questions are more job related then personal life related.

Life is Unfair.

Why is it bad things happen to good people?

I can not seem to grasp what has been going on to some of the nicest and best people that I have met.
They are all very strong people, so I know they will get through it all. I just think it is so unfair.

cancer
cancelled future
car crash
death of a mom & dad

R-A-N-T M-A-J-O-R

Yesterday my mom and I were looking at my yearbook, finding people, then facebook stalking them. I came to a realization that I already knew, but for some reason really became present yesterday. I am one of the only people from my whole town that doesn't either: go to the bar every other night or get drunk every night. All the kids who hated each other in high school now hang out because they have nothing else to do but drink beer. Its sad that friendships in the town are based around beer. Kids couldn't make it in college so they come back home, get fat and waste their lives away.
I have my priorities straight and my life half way in order. The past two weeks I have been studying my ass off for finals because I am serious about my future and want good things to happen in my life. The rest of the world is out at the bars, or partying in living rooms. I have my nose in a book and they have their mouths around a beer bottle. I feel like I have no time to eat, breathe, or sleep, let alone go out get drunk and mingle with people who I could really care less about.
Sometimes I wish that I was able to put school off and act as if it were no big deal. I can't though. I see where the world is going and for kids my age, its not going somewhere good. To get a job once I graduate will be close to impossible, even with a degree. It used to be if you had a degree there were more then enough jobs to go around. Now, a degree almost means nothing. However, if I am working towards a degree, I might as well get it with the feeling of satisfaction of knowing I did my best to earn it. That the thousands upon thousands of dollars I spent were not wasted by getting Cs in all my classes due to my irresponsibleness of drinking every night.
Maybe I was just brought up different. I was brought up in a household where school was important and the party scene wasn't. I think I am grateful for that. It will take me far in life.


Anyways, that was my rant for the day. Time to study more. Hope you all enjoy your beer :)

Things I should say to your face.

"I'll burn her out of Cedar Falls" "Yeah dude you should definitely do that" Haha okay hunny, you do that. You met once at a show and that makes you best friends for life huh? Well damn, if that is the case I have a ton of BFFs that I was unaware of.

Really, talking shit about me on Facebook? I guess if it makes you feel better about yourself, go for it. I have people in my life so much better then that. I deserve better then that.

I'm retarded, huh? Okay, if thats what you really think. Friday you wanted me in your life sooooo bad and still wanted to be with me and on Sunday I am retarded. Make up your mind, bro.

I'm all about being friends with ex's. I make it work. If you want to ruin it, go for it. Its your loss, not mine.

Untag all the pictures you want, but I've seen them. They pop up in the news feed right when you're tagged. Untagging won't make them go away. The trust is still lost, and getting more and more lost by the day.

You know, I tried to be nice yesterday by saying I think its great you decided to do what you love. What do I get in reply? Not a thing. You still must have been on the whole "BURN ME OUT OF CEDAR FALLS" "GIRLS ARE RETARDED" stage.

I hope you grow a pair soon. It would be a waste to throw a 3 year friendship out the window completely.

It's Cool We Can Still Be Friends

"You say that that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer Yeah, well maybe I hurt you some, but let's contrast and compare. Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there. I guess your truth is just a ghost of your lies, I see through them all the time“

Great.

Tyler HIlton's Books for Kids <--- Visit it.
I admire stars/musicians who use their status to do great things.

All Hail the Heartbreaker

If there were a profession in heartbreaking, I think I would qualify for it without any question.

Music.

An update that is far past overdue.

The Spill Canvas - Realities
She & HIm - Volume 2
Dr Dog - Dr Dog
Jason Castro - Jason Castro
Jakob Dylan - Women and Country
MGMT - Congratulations

I am sure there are many others that I have missed. Thats what I get for being a super poor college student.

April 8th, 2010

Sooner or later in life everyone discovers that perfect happiness is unrealizable, but there are few who pause to consider the antithesis: that perfect unhappiness is equally unattainable. The obstacles preventing the realization of both these extreme states are of the same nature: they derive from our human condition which is opposed to everything infinite. Our ever-insufficient knowledge of the future opposes it: and this is called, in the one instance, hope, and in the other, uncertainty of the following day. The certainty of death opposes it: for it places a limit on every joy, but also on every grief. The inevitable material cares oppose it: for as they poison every lasting happiness, they equally assiduously distract us from our misfortunes and make our consciousness of them intermittent and hence supportable.

--Primo Levi, Survival in Auschwitz

Perhaps Neither.

Not sure what to listen to. My heart or my head. Both seem to screw me over these days.

Confess.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People. (but don't say their name)

1. One of these days will be the day it happens. You will see what you've been missing.
2. I was lost for a few months without you. I'm glad you're back.
3. I am sorry for what has happened and what will happen.
4. Next year!!!
5. You'll never get your life together, for a certain girl in your life, I wish you would.
6. I never thought you would be first, but you are and I am super happy.
7. Thank you for everything.
8. I miss you.
9. You annoy the fuck out of me.
10. I am super proud of you.

Nine things about myself:

1. i love to travel.
2. i don't forgive easily.
3. i love my punk rock music.
4. i like driving around listening to music
5. i sleep with a stuffed animal.
6. i hate talking on the phone.
7. i have huge dreams.
8. i want to live in a big city.
9. i love that I am 21.

Eight ways to win my heart.

1. Good taste in music
2. Respect
3. Good Laugh.
4. Love me for who I am.
5. Love to travel.
6. Will tell me how it is.
7. Is intelligent and reads books.
8. Go on walks with me.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

1. What is wrong with me?
2. What is wrong with him?
3. Summer travels.
4. I need a job.
5. I need out of this state.
6. Africa.
7. Ugggghhhh

Six things I do before I fall asleep

1. Plug in my phone.
2. Brush the teeeeeth.
3. Drink water.
4. Put on chap stick.
5. Listen to music.
6. Check facebook.

Five people who mean a lot. (in no order whatsoever)

1. Lauren.
2. Mom.
3. Kenzie.
4. Grandma
5. My other close friends


Four things you're wearing right now.

1. Jeans
2. Tank top
3. Sweater thing.
4. Toms

Three songs that you listen to often.

1. Guns of Brixton - The Clash
2. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
3. Anything by Lady Gaga or Adam Lambert.

Two things you want to do before you die.

1. Travel the World
2. Skydive

One confession.

1. I say I regret nothing, but I do. About two things in life.

My life.

Living on a diet of chocolates and cigarettes

I wanna call you again.

I'll drink tea sometimes when its cold, its getting old.

I call you again.

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away

One of these days

I'll grow old and I'll grow brave and I'll go

One of these days.

Blowing out the candles from my cake

I choke on the smoke as I look around the room

Everybody is wishing for no more mistakes

And all that I can think about is you

Still too young to fail, too scared to sail away

One of these days

I'll grow old and I'll grow brave and I'll go

One of these days

Chocolate and Cigarettes by Angus & Julia Stone

It's true. One of these days I will grow old and brave and go. I really will. Right now I'm scared and afraid that I would fail if I went there. With all my might I would make it not fail, but all my might has never been quite enough. To go there, I would need more then my might. To go there, I would have to take a giant leap of faith and not fall in the process. One of these days though, I will be brave enough and you will see me sailing to where I am supposed to be.

A long, long time ago...

I was able to model for my cousin whenever we felt like it. I really miss those days.

Wakey!Wakey!

This song is one of my favorites at the moment.

The lyrics are so true.

I have thought this many times in my life.

Quote of the week.

"If a guy you like doesn't like punk rock, say fuck him."

Sometimes my friends have great quotes. Sometimes my friends keep me sane. Sometimes my friends just completely know whats up.

Photos by Laurennnn

Perfect.

Everyone always looks forward to Spring Break. People spend thousands on flights, hotels, new swimsuits, fake nails, horrible fake tans and whatever else is necessary for a disease filled break in Florida. I however, am so far from any of this. My spring breaks are never filled with booze, sun and MTV.

I would have to say this Spring Break has been on of the best so far. Although I have done not much of anything, it ranks in the top 3 best spring breaks. It started Saturday with a shopping spree and pedicures with my mother. Mother-Daughter time with us is very rare these days. I am so glad that I have a mom who is also like a best friend. We have so much fun together. I am so happy I have her and could not be more thankful for her.

Monday morning started off with a little jog on the treadmill and then off to pick up one of my favorite people in the world. My little brown eyed, brown haired cutie. I had not hung out with her since January 4th. One would never know that much time had passed between our last time seeing each other. We always pick up right where we left off. That is how I know she is my everything and I would be no where without her. We made fun of ourselves because we bought things from PacSun and spent way too much on MAC makeup. It was all worth it though. We spent half the day drinking drinks, at every stop we made. One of us probably had about 100 ounces of caffeine in us by the end of the night. We then made a stop that was far too long over due. We went to the boys house who once ran to L.A. but is now back in lil Des Moines. Good times were had by all.

We woke up somewhere all too different yet all too familiar. We had our long talks of the future and what life should really be like for the both of us. Driving home at 8:30 in the morning is something I am not used to but it all felt so refreshing. The rest of the day was spent lounging, grocery shopping, making food and talking to trans-atlantic boyfriends. Couldn't have been more perfect.

Wednesday came and went. Lunch with my grandma and chilling with my mom.

Thursday is here and the weather couldn't be more amazing. It is a day for swinging, listening to music far too loud and burning the incense.

It is weird that I have yet been to Pella during this break. The past few years, Lauren and I always make a trip down there. It is kind of nice not going there. :)

Tomorrow = dress shopping for Kenzie's wedding, Ice cream from Jersey Freeze, and the boy coming to see me.

Perfect Spring Break this year? I would say so.

March 4th, 2010

This is who I saw this weekend.
I had not been to an amazing show in quite sometime. Michael Franti was amazing. So much energy and so loving. John Mayer blew my mind. Such a talented guy. He is one of the best artists that I have seen live, ever. There are only a handful of bands that sound just as they do on the album, meaning they have raw talent. John is definitely one of those select few.

-Neither of these videos were filmed from me because I was a good girl and obeyed the rules and didn't bring my camera. Wish I would have though because they didn't care. Both of them however are from the show I attended.

8 Total

I am kind of a big Apolo Ohno fan.
He's on Jay Leno tonight. Pretty excited!

Lacking

On the posts.
I have nothing to write about. No, actually I have a ton to write about. Just nothing I want any of you to actually read. Because well, it might be about you. Or maybe because I just don't want you to know about it.
Either way, I hope to starting writing and posting more again soooooon.

2 weeks.

Sometimes I wish my best friend didn't live three hours from me.
I want to talk wedding and boys with her.
I want to play with her dog.
I want to sit for an hour and a half just to straighten her hair.
I want to drive around town eating ice cream and talking.
I miss her greatly.

I get to see her in 2 weeks though. Haven't seen her since Christmas. I can not wait!!!

Golden

1st run = 46.8/50
2nd run = 48.4/50

New Albums

I want:

Local Natives - Gorilla Manor
Field Music - Field Music
Adam Green - Minor Love
Shearwater - The Golden Archipelago

For Real?

I am making an entire new post for this.

Blogspot video works for about 45 minutes then stops.
What the fuck?
For real?

Through the Years

I was bored and this was the result.



Music=Bright Eyes: Easy/Lucky/Free

We were the kids.

It is 2006 and we are standing inside four walls that we called home almost every weekend. We were the Newton kids that dominated The House of Bricks. Kids knew to move out of the way when we made our way to the stage. We were the kids smoking our cigarettes as if we were the coolest people to ever walk the Earth. We were the kids that tried to meet every band after their sets. We were the kids that used quarters from our 'cigarette and booze' fund to pay for t-shirts to help support our favorite bands. We were the kids that knew all the words to every song to every band we ever went to watch. We were the scene before scene became a hideous way of dressing.

It is 2006 and we are the kids that think we are unstoppable. We are the kids that would pull into the park and drink a few beers. We would never get caught, it couldn't happen to us, and it never did. We were the kids that got drunk and made out with each other. Best friends for life, or at least a year and a half. We were the kids that where ever one was, the rest of us were soon to follow suit. We were the kids at school that people didn't know what to think of. We were friendly but no one gave us the time of the day because we were the kids who didn't go out for sports.

It is 2006 and we were the kids that didn't let a little bit of trouble keep us separated. We were the kids whose parents told us to stop hanging out with each other because we were all bad news. We were the kids who knew our friendship was more important. We were the kids who never judged. We were the kids who had friendships that many people wish they had. We were the kids who said shit about each other, to their faces, not behind their backs. We were the kids who wanted to live forever, doing just what we were doing.

It is 2010 and most of us are no longer what we were. A few are still in the same place as we were four amazingly long years ago. Then, there are the few who moved on with their lives. There are also the few who can't seem to get their life together. We are the kids that have became acquaintances with a polite 'Hello' if seen in the same public place. We are the kids who talk shit about each other behind their backs. We are the kids we hated.

We are the kids that let life get in the way of great friendships.

Feb. 8, 2010

Sometimes I feel as if I do not know you anymore. Others have taken my place in your life, or so it seems. There are days I feel as if I should try to change it or bring it up. Then there are the days that I want to wait to see if you realize it. I don't think you will though. It is okay though, I am used to it.

Thanks a lot Lauren.

I should be doing more productive things with my life rather then this.



Do you think you are pregnant?
I sure hope I'm not.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
Autumn, for sure.

You have to get a piercing, what do you get?
Something on my ear probably. I am done with facial piercings.

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
I would get a really cool middle upper back piece.

What are you wearing?
Jeans, tank top, sweatshirt.

Do you miss anyone?
That I do.

When is the last time someone of the opposite sex gave you a hug?
Yesterday.

Plans for tomorrow?
School.

Is anything wrong?
Nope.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I have a very good one.

Are your friends taller than you?
JD and Erin. I am very tall.

What were you doing this morning at 5:30?
Sleeping.

Do you like the ocean?
Very much so.

Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
I love both.

How many windows are open on your computer?
One window, three tabs.

Texted who last?
JD.

Was the first person you talked to today male or female?
Female, my mom.

What woke you up this morning?
Jordain showering.

Do you know anyone named Matt?
I know too many people named Matt.

When was the last time you talked to a sibling?
Oh boy, probably a good two or three weeks ago.

Is your hair curly or straight?
Today it is straight.

What are you doing today?
I am going to do some homework and thats about it.

What jewelery are you currently wearing?
My rings and all my piercings.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
That I could, and plan on doing.

Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust?
Too many times to count.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
11?

Who is in your inbox?
People can't be in my inbox.

Are you picky about who you give your number to?
I am these days, not so much in the past.

What do you prefer: McDonalds or Burger King?
Neither, they both make me want to throw up just thinking about them.

Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii?
Greece.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
It was decent. Rachel and I had some fun.

How old is the last person you kissed on the lips?
19.

What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss?
Uh, a grey sweatshirt.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?
Kind of. Any of my friends would be cool.

Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with?
Jordain and Sam.

What's under your bed?
Slippers and a backpack.

Did you sleep with anything last night?
My blanket, stuffed Arthur, pillows and all the books on the side of my bed that I dont sleep on.

Are you wearing short shorts?
Negative.

Do you like messages or comments better?
Wow, this is a myspace survey, isn't it?

What are you drinking?
The only thing I ever drink, Water.

Did anything dramatic go down yesterday?
I almost died, seriously. is that dramatic enough for you?

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
Nope, I actually enjoy it.

Does the person you like, like you back?
That he does.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours?
Yupp.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Nope, 8 am class.

Did you sleep alone last night?
Yes I did.

What color is your shirt?
Didn't we already go over this?

Are you sitting or standing?
Neither, I am lying.

Are you keeping a secret from anyone?
We all have secrets.

Do you have clothes in your closet that are not yours?
Mhmm.

Have you ever been called babe, baby or honey?
Yes, sir.

What are you thinking about?
How I wish there was no snow.
That I could see my best friends.
How I do not want to read the book I have to read.


What's something you cannot wait for?
JOHN MAYER SHOW!!!!!!!!!!

Have you kissed someone with braces?
Nope.

You find out your ex is having a kid with someone you don't like you say?
I really could care less about my ex, so therefore I wouldn't say anything.

Have you ever had a surprise birthday party?
Nope.

Do you sing in the car?
All the tie.

Could you last in a relationship for over a year?
I sure hope so.

Do you have any tattoos?
Only two.

When is the last time you had pizza?
Uh, the last time JD was here probably.

Were you single on your last birthday?
That I was.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?
Off, thanks.

Do you swallow gum when your finished?
I have a fear of choking, so no.

Do you a have any candles in your room?
Yeah, three. Even though they are prohibited.

Are you wearing something that someone gave you?
My grandma bought my the sweatshirt. Otherwise I bought everything.

Did you have a good day today?
Eh, it was alright.

Have you kissed the last person you texted?
Yep yep.

Who is one female besides family that knows everything about you?
Kenzie knows almost everything.

Have you ever let someone be your everything?
I always let other people be my everything, that is why I get screwed over so often.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I am sure someone is.

Survey, yeah?

Is your life falling apart or coming together?
It is coming together for sure.

What was the funniest thing that happened in the last week?
"CHEESE BREAD"...only mom and JD would get it.

How much longer until your birthday?
Eight Months

Do you think somebody's in love with you?
Yes.

What would you do if you woke up naked next to the last person you texted?
Umm with Philip?
That would be a bit weird these days.

Do you drink bottled water?
It is pretty much the only water I drink.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
Negative.

Do you like the beach?
That I do.

Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
I have no idea. I might have. I was sooo tired last night.

How much cash do you have on you?
An amount that you don't need to know.

Do you ever apologize first?
Usually not.

Who was the last person you gave a dirty look to?
JD. But seriously, probably Ryan Post because its really funny.

Who was the last person you laughed out loud at?
Rachel.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
Yes.

Have you ever broken someones heart?
Yes, I am sorry.

Are you happy with your life at the the moment?
I am fairly content with it.

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Can you say middle and high school?

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
This is a stupid question.

If you could move to Africa would you?
Yes, I really think I would.

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Negative.

Has 2010 been good for you so far?
It actually has.

If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for?
I can't tell you. If I did, I would have to kill you.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I sure could.

Last person you had a deep conversation with?
My mom.

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or lips?
Either would be fine with me.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
Ha, almost every day of my life.


When is the last time you were at an airport?
September of 2007.


Have you ever taken anyone/ anything for granted?
Oh my goodness have I.


Do you remember who you liked in grade seven?
Yepp. Jake, Stephan, Spencer, Taylor, Matt D, Derek, and the list goes on and on.

Do you have any television obsession?
One Tree Hill. Criminal Minds.

Ever get mad at something that happened years ago?
Nah, I always just laugh at things from the past.


Whats the kind of soda you drink most often?
I do not drink POP, thank you very much.


If you took a picture under your bed what would we see?
An empty water bottle, slippers and a backpack.

Do you freak out if a bee/wasp flies near you?
Ha, yes like no other.


Do you say hi first to people or do they have to speak first?
Usually they have to speak first, unless it is a good friend. I am not going to go out of my way to talk to someone I usually dont talk to anyways.


Would you rather have a small dog or a big dog?
Small.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
7th grade boyfriend.

Finally.

A week of a few good albums and singles:

Jason Boesel - Hustler's Sun
Jason Castro - The Love Uncompromised
Vampire Weekend - Contra
OK GO - The Blue Colour of the Sky
The Watson Twins - Modern Man + Devil In You (Single)
Rogue Wave - Good Morning (The Future) (Single)

Upcoming Shows

Everclear - January 29th
John Mayer - March 4th
Copeland - March 17th



-Know of any other good ones let me know. I am back in full swing of going to good shows!

Another Reason...

I really love Mitchell Davis. He knows whats up.
I am not the only one in the world who loves TOMS Shoes!

December 22, 2009

I wish that some people in my life would just cut the bullshit and be totally honest about something, just for once.

Isn't this the fucking truth.

The Hard Facts.

Appearance:
I am taller then 5 foot 10 inches.
I have a few scars.
I have hair that does not grow.
I am pale and burn easily.
I have a two tattoos.
I have seven piercings.
I am self-conscious about my body.
I had braces.
I wear glasses when I am really tired.
I get freckles in the summer.
I have really pretty eyes.
I hate my natural hair color.
I wear the same things all the time.
I never go anywhere without at least some mascara on.
I think everyone is always looking at me, hence the self-consciousness.


Family/Home Life:
I have a mother who is one of my best friends.
I have a father.
I have a 24 year old brother.
I want children someday.
I want a husband someday.
I have never runaway.
I have never been kicked out.
I was grounded twice when I lived at home.
I never made curfew when it involved me going to Marshalltown or Pella.
I miss my house, but I am glad I am living on my own.
I want my own big house with stellar decor one day.

Embarrassment:
I have actually said 'lol' in a conversation.
I have said sayings such as "She lives in a house type thing" and "On dry land"
I have ripped my pants at work.
I snort once in awhile while laughing.
I once told Chris Brown (not the rapper) that he was "really hot".

Health:
I have an immune system disease.
I had strep throat half my 4th grade year.
I have broken my arm.
I have never had surgery.
I have had my wisdom teeth removed.
I have had chicken pox.
I have a huge fear of doctor needles.
I survived living in a house with someone who had H1N1 without getting it.
I am scared of hospitals, I stay away as much as possible.

Traveling:
I have been to California.
I have been to Colorado.
I have been to Tennessee.
I have been to Jamaica.
I have been to Grand Cayman.
I have been to Cozumel, Mexico.
I want to go to Africa.
I want to go to Australia.
I want to go to London.
I want to go to Sweden.
I want to go back to California.
I want to travel the world.
I love to drive on the interstate.
I love airplanes.

Experiences:
I have been on a cruise.
I have bought TOMS shoes and gave a child in need a pair of shoes.
I have gone to college.
I have been friends with people in a band.
I have met many bands.
I have met someone I met on the Internet, in person.
I have witnessed my grandfathers death.
I have had to call 911 for my father.
I watched my father almost die.
I have seen 2 shooting stars.
I have kissed in the rain.
I have danced in the rain.
I have met Conor Oberst.
I have peed in Conor Oberst's bathroom.
I have witnessed my brother become an All American in track and field.

Relationships:
I’m single.
I’m available.
I have been set up with someone.
I have been the dumper more than the dumpee.
I break hearts really well.
I get my heart broken a lot.
I miss a few someones right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I want someone to love me as much as I love them.
I have had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I have been in love with someone I never even dated.
I keep memories of certain people really close to my heart.
I do not lie and will not put up with lying.


Sexuality:
I prefer boys.
I adore boys with tattoos and who are jerks/hard to get.
I have had a crush on someone of the same gender.
I have kissed a member of the same gender.
I am a cuddler.
I like to hold hands.
I have kissed in the rain.
I have been kissed by a stranger.
I tend to kiss people the first night I meet them.
I have kissed a stranger.
I used to kiss my best guy friend.

Honesty/Crime:
I have done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I have done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I have drank underage.
I have smoked underage.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I have cheated on a test.
I used to be really good friends with a criminal.
I have been pulled over once.
I have been in a vehicle that has been pulled over.

Drugs/Alcohol:
I have drank alcohol.
I have smoked a cigarette.
I have smoked pot.
I drink every Thursday night, religiously.
I have never done hard drugs.

Future:
I want to have a family.
I want to move out of Iowa.
I want to graduate with a Bachelors degree in Elementary Ed and Early Childhood.

Dreams:
I want to live in Omaha, California, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Texas etc. and a foreign country.
I want to teach in Africa.
I want to find myself.
I want to find him.
I want to travel the world.
I want to sit overlooking a city of lights and just watch.
I want to skydive.
I want to matter to someone.
I want to learn sign language.
I want to meet Adam Lambert.
I want to see Death Cab, Lady GaGa, Michael Buble and Hanson (again) before they or I die.

Randoms
My albums MUST be in alphabetical order right to left NOT left to right
I have had a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio since I was 4 years old.
Frank Sinatra will always be one of my favorite singers.
I used to be in love with Adam Bolts of The Beat Strings.
If I am in the mood where I think the world might end, I listen to Panic! At the Discos first album.
I hate using the word concerts for shows, and cds for albums.
Math and Science are my worst subjects.
I am very independent in life.
TOMS shoes are my favorite matched with v-necks, a sweater and skinny jeans.
I hate forgiving people.
I do not tolerate a lot of people.
I always wanted to marry Michael Jackson.
I have strong feels about people and things, that will never change.
You just learned a lot about me, and also wasted a lot of time.
Thanks :)

Postsecret Worthy.

*I have come to terms that I never see you anymore. It used to kill me at the thought of us not being so tight, but now I am okay with that.

*I really wish you would come visit me once in awhile. I don't think it would kill you.

*You were the stupidest one and a half month boyfriend/mistake I have ever had/made. Congrats on the sudden engagement.

*Every time I get a text, a little part of me hopes it is from you. It never is, but there is a little piece of me that keeps holding on.

*I am so glad we clicked. I couldn't have made it through this semester without you.

*I am sorry I led you on and then left you hanging. That is the bitch inside me.

*I am really glad you text me a month ago, I hope we rekindle a long lost friendship.

*You're like a bad penny, you keep coming back.

*Ever wonder what could have been? Ya know, back in 2007? I know I do.

*I wanted us to work out, too bad I got scared.

*I really wish what you said to me was true.

*You really were just someone to help me pass the time, I don't go for douchey dudes. Thanks for proving that all douche bags are the same :)

*Where have you been? My recent calls list doesn't even have your name.

*I miss having you to call boyfriend. I miss you calling me girlfriend. I miss fooling everyone at work.

*I never see you and we live in the same town still. Kind of bums me out.

*I never liked you and never will. Please do not corrupt her.

(Untitled)

-My favorite thing about Adam Lambert besides his smile and eyes well and voice, is the fact that every time he preforms Whatya Want From Me live, it is different. Meaning, he can actually sing and has some major talent. I wish the world would get over the fact that he is gay and oh my god, kissed a dude on the AMAs. Big freaking deal. The kid has talent.

-My favorite thing about Jason Castro is well, everything. Let's Just Fall In Love Again has got to be the cutest song I have heard in a long time. He seems to have grown since the days of Idol. More mature and even a better voice. Pretty stoked for his album to drop. Too bad I still have to wait about two months.

Text from 2007.

I found an old phone and read through all the texts. I used to get some of the best texts from people. For some reason, these are a few of the ones I kept on there.


"Winter is coming...wanna run away to California?"

"Oh well if you wanna get away we can watch some reba or catch some fireflies if you want."

"I now know why you make out with all your guys lol."

"I love u ur so gosh darn pretty and u got those eyes oh they just make me pour out in tears is what they do"

"Yeah bitches wanna be us"

"Just may suck if it doesnt work out. I just hope i fall ridiculously in love. the kind you lay in Chicago traffic for."

"Hey! Cant fucking make it due to my sisters open house is tomorrow like yours. super jealous of cody! have fun and i hope u make a lot of money"

Rambled, put together thoughts.

"I wanna show ya that my love is pure"
It is musicians like Trevor Hall that make me want to be a really great person. In these days though, it is really hard. I can no longer look at the people I used to hang out with and love them with the same love I once had. I have grown up and they are still stuck where they were five years ago when I met them. It is the same story every time I see them. "I want to change my life." "I wish I could do something to make my life better." "I want to make things right for her, for us." I am sick of hearing it. I am sorry dears, but nothing will be right if you do not do something about it. You all are never seen without a beer in your hand. Ever stopped for a second and thought that maybe that is the reason you can not get your life together? You think you have your priorities straight, but they are no where near straight.
I have become someone different. I have realized there is so much out there in the world to be discovered. I have gotten out of the town that I always felt held me back for 20 long years. I sat and complained about it for far too long. I opened my eyes and realized I am the only who can change that. I could no longer sit there with a beer and cig in my hand bitching about my life and expecting that to make the change. I was the only one who could do that.
I am finally free of the people and chains that held me down while I was younger. I no longer want to surround myself with people who bring me down. I want to be surrounded by the people who genuinely care about me, not just themselves. I want to be around the people who like to have fun and not sit and pout about their horrible lives.

"Seek and you'll find, whats inside. Flow down the river till you're free and you'll see love divine"
Its funny how one musician can make you realize that you can change your life and that there is so much out there. I decided to flow down the river, and I am finally free. I have found love in some of the best girls I think I ever could. The friendship is real and the love is pure. It has been too long since I felt this way. Growing up has been the hardest thing I have been through in a long time, but it has been the best thing in the world. I see the world in such a different way. I can not wait to discover more of what the world has instore for me.



Jammin:
Trevor Hall - seriously, if you have never listened to him, do it. But actually listen to him. Sit somewhere quite and listen to the lyrics. If he does not make you open your eyes and change you in some form....well then, I don't know what to think of you.

Forgotten.

Worst feeling in the world.

Music on a Snowy Tuesday

Thumbs up:
Hanson - Stand Up Stand Up Ep
30 Seconds to Mars - This is War
Chris Brown - Graffiti
Neil Young - Dreamin Man Live '92
Timbaland - Shock Value II


Thumbs Down:
We The Kings - Smile Kids (faaaar too cliche)
Puddle of Mudd - Volume 4 Songs in the Key of Love and Hate (who honestly still listens and likes this band?)
Gucci Mane - The State vs Radric Davis (he is just plain bad)

Love

Brothers.

Go see it.
It is powerful and so intense...especially if you know someone in the Army or Marines.
Tobey Maguire's preformance is top notch.
Jake Gyllenhaal and Natalie Portman are nothing short of amazing either.

Best News in a long time....

Something Corporate is back!
Good music will live again.
Anyone want to go to Anaheim, California on March 27 and 28th with me?
It is a Saturday and Sunday.
You know you want to.
Fuck Jacks Mannequin and see Andrew where he is at his ultimate best.
Take yourself back to middle school, its the least you could do for yourself.
Have some fun.

That Girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to cut my bangs two centimeters from my hairline.
I do not want to have to have tattoos visible for the entire world to see.
I do not want to have to sleep with every guy I meet.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to know every guy in the towns of Des Moines, Cedar Falls and Iowa City.
I do not want to have to become vegetarian or vegan.
I do not want to have to listen to shitty pop/punk bands.
I do not want to have to dye my hair whiteblonde.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to give up all my morals for a guy.
I do not want to have to cake on make up to look like a doll.
I do not want to have to only wear clothes that look vintage.
I do not want to have to be a complete bitch to everyone I meet because it makes me feel better about myself.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

I do not ever want to be THAT girl.
I do not want to have to give up eating all together to be a size 0 or 1.
I do not want to have to look like I walked out of a pin up magazine every second of every day.
I do not want to have to be friends with every person in a 'band' in the state of Iowa.
I do not ever want to be THAT girl.

Too bad this is the girl you have to be these days.

Clean Up.

Before:
6895 songs
116.4 days
28 GB

After:
6783 songs
83.3 days
27.14 GB


Turns out I had a song that was 700 minutes long. Ha. That cleared up some space!
Cleaning out my Ipod has got to be one of the hardest things ever.
This is going to be a long process.

Tuesday.

New music Tuesdays have really sucked the last few weeks.

Lady Gaga
Adam Lambert
John Mayer

Those are the only three I HIGHLY recommend from the past couple weeks. I am just not feeling anything lately.

The new Bravery did not catch my ear like I hoped it might. Little cute Allison Iraheta from American Idols new album is a typical 17 year old album.

I need some new amazing music.