Lost.

I can't stand to even look at pictures anymore. They bring back a time in my life where I was happy. The smile on my face was not forced or fake. It was genuine. These days, I can't even remember what my real smile looks like. I have to turn to these pictures. The ones that scream fun, young and naive. Its funny how things change so quickly. If someone would have told me three years ago I would be where I am today, I would have laughed in their face. I would have told them they were crazy, my friends would never leave me and that I will live this amazing life forever. I wish I could go back and tell myself that life sucks, things will happen and you won't have the great life for long. I would have told myself to enjoy it and not take a single thing for granted. I would have told myself to not worry about the boys who would come into my life. That the "love" I would find, was really not love at all, or so I don't think it was. I can't do that though, I don't live in a fantasy movie world. So I'm stuck here, here in this life where I can't do anything but wish and reminisce. I can't move on because my heart simply won't let me, I can't look past the greys into the bright blues because my eyes won't let me. I can't think straight because my mind is to bogged down by the mistakes and loses in my life. I have become something I hoped would never happen to me. I have become lost.