Wow.

It has been an interesting day.

Mom's birthday.
Sunny.
Warm.
Lightning.
Thunder.
Downpour.
No rain.
80 mph wind.
Sitting in a random parking lot.
Watching fuses spark.
Airplane flipping over from wind across the street from us.
LOTS of rain.
No rain.
Blue skies.
Grey skies.
Downpour.
Crying.
Pissed off.
Breaking up with Jon even though we aren't dating. (too long to write about)
Wondering.
More storms on the way.

Mhmm

I am happy because today i bought not one, not two, not three, not even four, but FIVE...



AAAANNNDDD I bought



who could not be happy with that many v-neck t's and bukowski? I mean seriously.

Pointless.

On a sad/pathetic note:
I kind of wish I had friends to hang out with.


On a happy note:
I got this today. My second favorite lyrical genius...Craig Owens graced the cover of AP.





aaaand I kind of wish I could meet him....sadly he can brighten my day...
Maybe its his pretty smile. haha.

Goodbye...Hello.

Today I added another amazing person to the list of people who have left my life. As much as I want to be optimistic about keeping him in my life and going out there to visit him, I can't. Its impossible. I cried, and I mean really cried because he left. I didn't think it would effect me this much, but it has. I took our friendship for granted. I always thought there would be so many more times to hang. I didn't REALLY think he would move. I thought he would be just another Midwest kid with big dreams. Well, he is. Only he is the kid that makes his dreams reality. I cried because I didn't get to spend as much time with him as I wanted. His friendship was always there, it may have seemed to drift away at times, but it never truly went away. I cried because I am jealous. I am jealous because he is living his dreams and I'm nowhere close to mine. I cried because I suck at goodbyes or in this case, getting a goodbye text. I handled the in person goodbye just fine, probably because I thought it wasn't really happening.

I have come to realize I take my friendships for granted way to often. Every person I meet in life, I act as if they will be there forever. I should know by now that is not the case. From now on, I will not take a friendship for granted, I can't risk it. I can't stand loosing great people. I've had enough of it. Today showed me I need to change, and I will.




Rockin Out To:
One More Sad Song - All American Rejects
Checkmarks - The Academy Is...
Always Move Fast - Lydia
World is Full of Crashing Bores - Morrissey
A Day Late - Anberlin

I want to know...

I want to know my purpose in life. I want to know why I have met the people I have. I want to know if I will ever cross paths with the people who have left my life. Will they be of importance later on in life, or are they really gone for good? I want to know if the people in my life now will always be here. I want to know who I am going to marry. I want to know if I will have kids and a cute little family. I want to know if any of my dreams will come true. I want to know why people say what they say but mean something completely different. I want to know why people would rather lie then tell the truth right away. I want to know why no one seems to care about people like they used to. I want to know why best friends become acquaintances. I want to know why people have to ruin good music scenes. I want to know why people always need to be different when it just makes them all the same. I want to know why some people really love, while others don't. I want to know so many things. I want to know why in my darkest hours, no one was there. I want to know why God took my grandpa from me too soon. I want to know what makes people stop loving. I want to know why my brother and I weren't tight as children. I want to know why we are still in this war. I want to know what makes her better then me. I want to know why they haven't found a cure for cancer. I want to know how I got stuck with a shitty immune system disease to give me psoriasis. I want to know why we can go over seas to help people, yet won't help people in our own country. I want to know what I can do for people in our country as well as people in Darfur. I want to know what makes the sound of symphonies so intriguing.
I just...want to know.

One year ago.

Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of my dad's accident.
I still pray just about every day God didn't take him from us.

Today is exactly one year since the last time I smoked.
I remember it clearly, it was with Tim while sitting on the porch in Marshalltown.

Today a year ago I first met her, now I think I may never have to encounter her again.
I didn't like her, I pretended I did though. I was just jealous.

One year ago today, he got mad at me. Or maybe he was jealous. Not sure. Man, jealousy filled that night.

Simply put, a year ago my life changed dramatically. Faith was restored, my eyes were opened, and jealousy roared (only to be laughed at now).



Listening Station:

Let Your Spirit Soar - The Morning Of
Cut Your Hair - Pavement
Two Princes - Spin Doctors
Put Some Clothes On - Breathe Carolina
Monster - L7
Because The Night - 10.000 Maniacs

This Is For Keeps.

Last night I witnessed an amazing show. The Spill Canvas visited Iowa again after three years. This band has been my favorite band since I first heard them in 2004. I then fell in love with their live set in 2005 when Jeremy, Shane, Matt, Lauren and I all went to their show at The House of Bricks. They are the band that has pulled me through many times. Every lyric Nick Thomas writes and sings, has a message that touches me in one way or another. Listening to songs off of One Fell Swoop brought back so many memories, a tear or two formed throughout the show. The show also helped me with my life at this very moment. It made me feel alive. I know, its just a show, but it was just what I needed in my life right now. A band that means so much, to play live. It was the dose of medicine I had been longing for, for three weeks.