She dances with the halfway truth.

I should be sleeping. An hour ago I was super tired and ready to hit the sack. Now I am just sitting here. Alone, just like every night. When I sit alone and don't think about anything in particular, the what-ifs start to cloud my mind and make it foggy. I soon am in a daze that is like a nightmare that I can not get out of. I feel as if I am alone in a forest that is spinning around me with no way out. I take a deep breath in, count to ten, let it out. It doesn't help. The what-ifs start to get louder in my head. They taunt me and laugh at me because they know the mistakes I have made in the past. They won't let me forget them. I close my eyes and scream. I tell them I don't care about the what-ifs. They are of the past and I can't do a thing about them. I am going to move on, I will run till they are far behind. They continue to laugh, so I try to run. It is as if I am chained to the ground. Almost every night this happens. I slip into an unconscious of what-ifs without even wanting too. One day, I hope they go away. I hope someone comes to save me, to make the spinning forest stop, to make the what-ifs turn to the nows, and to make the fog leave forever.

There was a time I followed my heart...

These are just a few of the times and people I miss.


Liz Me and Lauren at Clay Aiken


Wandering around Wal-Mart with Kenzie


Trick-or-Treating with Christina


DPC Fo' Lyfe


Spending May Day at Michael's


Doing Matt's hair in the hallway


Teaching my favorite class I have ever helped with


Driving in a bad thunder storm while taking pictures with JD


Going to lame ass prom with my best friends


Seeing John, all the time


Taking ridiculous pictures with Sydney


In general...Jon


Summer storms and running around in the rain like we are 12


Being immature at work while the boys skateboard


All of us actually together...like old times


Cheering with Em and Kylie


AAANNNDDD lastly I miss summer road trips with my best friend ever




This was more then a few...I got carried away. I don't really care though.

Pay the price.

I made a mistake once. I know it, he knows it, she knows it. Everyone knows it. Now, all I can do is sit here and pay the price for my lousy, not-thought through mistake. I hate it.

Thanks a lot Lauren.

She made me do it. She tagged me. That means I had to.
Sooo here are the ABCs about lovely ole me!




A
- Available: Aren't I always?
- Age: Twenty (emphasis on the T's)
- Annoyance: People.
- Animals: Puppies and Monkeys.

B
- Beer: I wish I knew the name of it. I had it once and probably never again.
- Birthday/Birthplace: September 30, 1988. Cornfields of Iowa.
- Best Friends: Lauren. Zach. Kenzie. Oh and I suppose Jon.
- Body Part on opposite sex: Smile.
- Best feeling in the world: Live music.
- Blind or Deaf: Honestly, neither.
- Best weather: 70ish with no humidity and a slight breeze.
- Been bitched out? Uh, yeah.
- Been on stage?: Yes. I was in band for four years and I did dance for 10.
- Believe in yourself?: If it is a good day.
- Believe in life on other planets: Not really.
- Believe in miracles: Yes. I think I witnessed on summer of 2007.
- Believe in Magic: Nope.
- Believe in God: Yes.
- Believe in Satan: Kind of.
- Believe in Santa: I once did.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: That I do.
- Believe in Evolution: There are different kinds of evolution.

C
- Car: Buick Regal.
- Candy: Reeses.
- Color: Turquoise, yo.
- Cried in school: Yeah.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla.
- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican. The smell of Chinese literally makes me sick to my stomach.
- Cake or pie: Pie please.
- Country to visit: London. Mozambique, Africa. Amsterdam. Sweden. Denmark. I'm going to stop now.

D
- Day or Night: Night.
- Dream vehicle: Right now, a Volvo.
- Dance: Beat Strings shows.- Lauren's answer was the best, so I kept it!!
- Do the splits?: Used to, part way can now.

E
- Eggs: Scrambled.
- Eyes: Blue.
- Everyone has: Flaws.
- Ever failed a class?: Negative.

F
- Full name: Sarah Lyn Madison.
- First thoughts waking up: "What day is it?"
- Food: Chicken and pasta.
- Greatest Fear: Hospitals and death.
- Giver or taker: Both.
- Goals: Graduate UNI. Teach Kindergarten. Go to Africa and make a difference.
- Get along with your parents?: Usually. We have a pretty good relationship.
- Good luck charm: Don't really have one.

In guys/girls
Eye color: Doesn't matter. Green is super pretty though.
Hair Color: I'm not shallow.
Height: Taller,but if your shorter, that is chill.
Clothing Style: Put together nicely.
Characteristics: All the normal ones everyone wants.


H
- Hair Colour: Blonde.
- Height: Five foot and ten and a half inches.
- Happy: Today, yes.
- Holiday: Christmas.
- How do you want to die: Peacefully.
- Health freak?: Lord no. Though I might start to be.
- Hate: A great list of things.

I
- Ice Cream: Chocolate with peanut butter.
- Instrument: I wish drums or keys. But I played the flute.

J
- Jewelry: Rings. Piercings.
- Job: Building Supervisor and Camera Department/Customer service/checker. One day it will be teacher.

K
- Kids: I want to have three. And they will all have really cute names.
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing.
- Keep a journal?: Haven't lately.

L
- Longest Car Ride: Newton to Gatlinburg, Tennessee.
- Love: I question it all the time.
- Laughed so hard you cried: All time if Lauren is around.
- Love at first sight: Is actually lust.

M
- Milk flavor: I do not drink milk.
- Movie: The Wizard of Oz.
- Mooned anyone?: Ha only Lauren I think oh and maybe Liz. And possibly Travis Wrights house during Truth or Dare with Liz and Emily.
- Marriage: I want it some day.
- Motion sickness? On spinny rides.
- McD’s or BK: Neither. I refuse to eat at both those places. It makes me want to throw up just thinking about them.
N
- Number of Siblings: I have one older brother.
- Number of Piercings: Seven.
- Number: 21.

O
- One wish: I have already stated it somewhere in this thing.
- One phobia: I have a few.

P
- Place you’d like to live: Oregon, California, Tennessee, New York, New Jersey.
- Perfect Pizza: Lots of cheese.
- Pepsi/Coke: I don't like either plain. It has to have cheery with it.

Q
- Questionaires: I do them, obviously.

R
- Reason to cry: Oh I cry over anything really.
- Reality T.V.: Survivor or Real World.
- Roll your tongue in a circle? Yeah.

S
- Song: Going Down Godless
- Shoe size: Big.
- Salad Dressing: French/Western.
- Sushi: Thoughts of Lauren and Cody.
- Skipped school: Skipped lunch once with Jeremy to go see Michael before he left for Florida.
- Slept outside: Camping.
- Seen a dead body? Yeah.
- Smoke: Hookah only. Kicked all other smoking habits.
- Skinny dipped? Too self conscious.
- Shower daily? Usually.
- Sing well?: Ha, lord no.
- In the shower? Not right now.
- Swear?: Yes.
- Stuffed Animals?: Arthur. and Lucky is pretty cute but he just sits by my books all the time.
- Single/Group dates: Group dates with all my cats. (I am probably going to be a cat lady, sorry Lauren!!)
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries. Blueberries give me headaches.
- Scientists need to invent: A cure for all cancer and then they need to stop doing everything they do, its annoying.
- Sport: I freaking LOVE baseball.

T
- Time for bed: Whenever I fall asleep.
- Thunderstorms: Love love love them if tornadoes or high winds don't come about.
- TV: One tree Hill. Grey's Anatomy. CSI. Cold Case.
- Touch your tongue to your nose: Noe.

U
- Unpredictable: Me.

V
- Vegetable you hate: Pretty much most of them.
- Vegetable you love: Corn!! Mmm can't wait for summer!
- Vacation spot: Grand Cayman.

W
- Weakness: My inability to control my emotions.
- When I grow up: I want to teach, go to Africa, have a family, have a house, see the world and make cute babies.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Lauren?
- Who makes you laugh the most: Lauren. Zach. Shaun.
- Worst feeling: Having lost the love of music. Which I never will, I hope.
- Wanted to be a model?: Eh, nah. It pays good, but oh well. I did it once haha!!
- Where do we go when we die: I don't know where you go, but I know where I will go.
- Worst weather: Snowy and cold.

X
-X-Rays: Broken hand. Teeth for wisdom teeth. Messed up knee.

Y
-Year it is now: Two-thousand-nine.
-Yellow: Can be okay in the summer, that is the only time it is okay though.

Z
- Zoo animal: MONKIESSSS!
- Zodiac sign: Libra.

Once again.

I bought Fang in Rain today.
It makes me smile.
Beat Strings have been blaring from my stereo for two days straight now.
I LOVE IT!!

Future Bands?

I saw this on face book and decided to do four of them.
Its done randomly through wikipedia, flickr and some other site.


Band Name: Water supply and Sanitation in Spain
Album Title: It wouldn't be that wonderful at all
Album Cover:



Band Name: Vedea
Album Title: One which will last forever
Album Cover:



Band Name: Highway 102
Album Title: I don't know which half
Album Cover:



Band Name: Dynamic Electrophoretic Mobility
Album Title: With the eyes and hands
Album Cover:



Band Name: List of Military Strategies
Album Title: I will move the Earth
Album Cover: It wouldn't load the picture :(

Tune in the dial.

I haven't done a blog just about what I have been listening too lately. So here we go.



Songs:
Campfire
Chocolates & Cigarettes
Wasted

Artist:
Angus and Julia Stone

Album:
Chocolates & Cigarettes EP



Songs:
Guns of Brixton
Death or Glory
Spanish Bombs

Artist:
The Clash

Album:
London Calling



Songs:
Now the one you Once Loved is Leaving
Hospital
Stay Awake

Artist:
Lydia

Album:
Illuminate



Songs:
Marshalltown
Young Man on a Spree
I'm Not Ready

Artist:
Modern Life is War

Album:
Witness



Songs:
Mr Rock & Roll
L.A.

Artist:
Amy Macdonald

Album:
This is The Life



Songs:
First Love
Chasing Pavements
Make you Feel My Love

Artist:
Adele

Album:
19



Songs:
When You're Smiling (The Whole Worlds Smiles With You)
September In The Rain
Hidden Persuasion
You do Something to Me

Artist:
Frank Sinatra

Album:
Sinatra's Swingin Session! and more

List.

I need to:
1) Find some single friends.
2) Stop flirting with boys I shouldn't.
3) Listen to more Frank Sinatra
4) Read more books.
5) Save lots of money for when I move.
6) Stop being so jealous about things.
7) Start listening to bands I used to love.
8) Exercise.
9) Do really good this semester.
10)Visit my grandpa.

Weather Patterns.

I drove through there twice today. I couldn't help but smile each time. I saw the three of us running around the entire building being carefree and dancing in the rain. I saw the four of us walking into the restaurant to chill before midnight bowling started. I saw the Hy-Vee where many times we stopped for alcohol. I remembered all the warm nights sitting under stars waiting for the next band to play. I remembered the blood pumping through my veins as I felt alive at the exact moment the music started. I thought of all the nights on a porch discussing music and life. I remember the nights trying to catch fire-flies. I remember smiling the whole night. I thought about the last time we hung out. I thought of the last spot I saw him. I thought of the last words we exchanged. I thought about that last hug between friends. Then my mind flashed to the times with others as well. Driving him home in a thunderstorm with him telling me it was okay every time I shuttered at the sound of lightening. I see us sitting on his bed talking, cuddling, and laughing. I see us eating at Taco Johns. I see the empty hopes and broken promises made.
It's weird. For about two years, this was almost like a second home. I was always welcomed and I always had a place to stay if need be. Those were the best days of my life. Being young, free and not caring. I thought about it all. I remember it all. I will never forget.

Adam Lambert.

This video is super good. It is from The Ten Commandments the Musical. 2:40 and on is the best of it.
Adam is one talented dude...I will be voting for him on American Idol.

One day.

6,446,131,400 and counting. - The number of people who live on Earth.
922,011,000 and counting. - The number of people who live in Africa.
19,406,703 and counting. - The number of people who live in Mozambique.
4,500,000 and counting.- The number of orphans in Mozambique with little to no education.
1 - The number it takes to change a life and help those with no education.

I will be that 1.

Hits a Nerve.

Straightedge. It's a lifestyle. Either you live it or you don't. There is no living it one week, breaking it the next then deciding you want to live Edge again. I have a great appreciation and a lot of respect for those who truly live this lifestyle. I have no respect for those fakers. This blog is about those who really live the lifestyle, not the breakers and fakers.
I do not get why those who are not Edge find it alright to diss those who are, yet get offended if anyone asks, "Why do you smoke?" Talking shit about someone who isn't destroying their mind and body with useless drugs and alcohol makes no sense to me. Maybe I have just been in the best of situations, but never have I heard someone that lives Edge diss someone who doesn't. They let them live their lives. There is more to this world then drugs and alcohol and they realize that, but do not hate on ones who don't.
Another thing, if the people who truly live Edge want to wear XXX on their clothing or hands, let them. It does not make them a pussy. It does not make them less of a man or woman then you. It makes them more of a person if you decide you need to degrade them with stupidity and they take it and walk away. Being Edge does not put them into a different group. Edge or not, everyone can hang out and have a good time. It's not like they are there to ruin the party and convert everyone to become like them. Just because they have X's affiliated with them does not mean they don't know how to enjoy life.
One other point. I do not for the life of me get why people say "I hate when people claim Straightedge. I like it better when they just don't smoke or drink." I'm not sure why this pisses me off, but it does. Why would someone hate that people claim a lifestyle that they really live? That to me is like saying "I hate when people claim they are Catholic. I would much rather them say they just believe in God." It does not directly affect you, so why do you give a fuck about what they claim?
Now, I am not Edge, nor will I ever claim to be. This is just one topic that drives me insane about how immature and stupid some people can be. I am one of those people who will stand up for a lifestyle or group that is not what I am because I can respect them. I respect those who live Edge and not. I just wish everyone could just face the fact that there are people in this world who choose to live a less hazardous lifestyle then others. There is no need for the hate and belittling.

Coasts.

Sometimes, on nice days like today, I wish I lived in a city of lights. I would drive to the nearest overlook and watch the full moon rise while the world below whizzes by at a fast pace. I could sit with my peaceful mind watching the lights below and wonder where and what everyone was going or doing. I would sit on the hood of my car and play Morrisey to soothe my thoughts. On nice days like today, I envy those on the coasts that can do such a great thing.


Playlist:

Hold Your Breath - All Rattle and Dust
I Like You - Morrisey
Kids Don't Know Shit - Islands
I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) - The Used
15 Onces - Doctor!Doctor!

There's no place like home.

I absolutely love getting proven wrong when it comes to music. I went into tonight thinking that Doctor!Doctor! was going to be another shitty band that was just trying to make it big. I was dreading hearing some guy scream some lame lyrics into the microphone and pretend that he is actually saying something. I was expecting these scene/hardcore looking boys to be full of themselves and act as if they were too good for little Newton, Iowa because they are bigger then the three bands playing before them. But oh boy was I wrong. These four guys were so down to earth and make music for one reason, it's what they love to do. They are not in it for the money and you can tell that five minutes into talking to them. Tonight they played a show to less then thirty kids yet played like they were in front of hundreds. Each song was filled with energy and power. Each song caught my attention from the crazy good drumming skills, to the finger work of guitarist or the screamers emotion. They are simply four amazing and talented dudes. Before they left, they genuinely thanked the ones who were left for coming and said they would be glad to return...do I hear Bitchfest '09 in the making?!?!

5 Songs.

Peaceful Mind by All Rattle and Dust - Ben Driscoll's voice in this song...need I say more?

Going Down Godless by The Beat Strings - It's old favorite, I can't help it.

Diggin' My Grave by William Elliott Whitmore - It's just reeeally good.

D.E.A.D.R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by Modern Life is War - I don't need to explain this one.

Someone by Gimme Drugs - They make me smile. Plus leave it to Tim to be in a band with the name Gimme Drugs, that just makes you want to listen to them.



So I have been kind of addicted to my Iowa bands/New Jersey band for the past two days. There is nothing like amazing local music!

My Chemical Romance vs. Bob Dylan.

It's bad enough they are still pale as ever and that they wear black and red ALLLL the time. It's bad enough they started to suck after Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. It's a sad thing to say that people still think they are good. It's a sad thing every single song they play sounds just like the one right before hand. The worst thing about them though...is they covered and ruined a Bob Dylan song. If you haven't heard their cover, don't listen to it, especially if you like the original. If you don't know what song it is, good, I'm not going to tell you.

New Music.

I have a new found love.
Their name is The Airborne Toxic Event.
They use strings, and strings make me smile.
I can only hope my teacher has to go to the conference on the day they are in Des Moines so I can seeeee them.

Amazing songs by them:
Papillion (Acustic Version)
Sometime Around Midnight
Moving On
Happiness is Overrated
This is Nowhere

Retrieved.

Theses were my goals for 2008. I found them while I was shifting through old blogs. Didn't do so hot on accomplishing a lot of them.


List for 2008

Stay in the B range for college. - Completed.

Change my lifestyle. - Failed.

Find someone who likes me for me and who will wait for more then 3 months if necessary. - Completed/Failed.

Go on a road trip. - Completed.

Go to Warped Tour. - Failed.

Read a lot. - Completed.

Go to amazing shows. - Completed.

Laugh, a lot. - Completed.

Make memories that will stay with me forever. - Completed.

Grow my hair long. - FAILLLLLED.

Stay fit. - Failed.

Hold back no feelings, let everyone know what or how I feel about them. - Failed.

Get more sleep. - Failed.

Eat more healthy. - Failed.

Save TONS of money. - Failed.

Meet someone who will make a difference in my life. - Failed.

Dance in the rain, under the stars and in the middle of the street. - Completed.

Camp, a lot. - Failed majorly.

Just have fun!! - Completed.