The New Editions

I bought ten cds this weekend. Some may see this as a total waste of money and I see it as the best thing one could spend money on. Its like a high. The best kind of high in the world. Then unwrapping them is like Christmas morning. haha I love it!

The ones I bought were:

Glory Hope Mountain - The Acorn
Fractured Life - Air Traffic
Across the Universe Soundtrack
The Sun and The Moon - The Bravery
Fort Music - The Dead Trees
Seventh Tree - Goldfrapp
Help Wanted Nights - The Good Life
I'll Be Lightening - Liam Finn
Texas - PlayRadioPlay!
A Twist in My Story - Secondhand Serenade

Sweetness

Unexpected friendships are the best, they make you smile on bad days. They are the type with no strings attached, they just pop up. They include people you meet along the journey we all call life. The people who just happen to come into your life when you least expect it. They are the kind of people you only read about or see in the movies. The ones who have the exciting life and whom you think would never want to give you the time of day, only they do. They give you a little more then the time of day. It could be the hot girl who moves in next door or the boy who is in a friend's band who is way too cute for you. They come into your life for a period then leave, yet still keep in contact with you. They don't have to, there is no obligation to keep in touch, but they do it because they want to. It shows you were more then just a neighbor or just someone they met randomly at a show. You have impacted their life as they have yours. I wish I could find more of these types of friendships. They are the kind I tend to cherish more then others.

The sun rises in the east.

Right now, the east coast has my name written all over it. New Jersey and New York sound about right. The Atlantic wants me to walk its shores and watch the sun rise over them. Freedom is calling my name. For just a week even. It must happen. The east coast knows I need to see what else is out there in this world besides rows of corn and snow. It knows I am at the point in life where I just want to live freely and have a lot of adventures. I know I want to live on the West coast but the East is what is calling me right now. I will go. I am determined. There is nothing that is going to keep me from exploring this dream of mine.

Anniversary

It's been one year.
To the hour. (10:30 p.m.)
How weird.

Pythons Awake.

What a way to kick off my spring break. Sitting at home. Lame. I can tell this spring break is going to be so amazing. Not.

I decided to go on a drive earlier.
To no where in particular, I just drove.
I thought about a lot of things.
It was nice.
I had my sunroof open, with a cool breeze flowing through my car,
I blared by music
and just drove.
After all my thinking though,
I realized I hadn't accomplished much.
I wanted to try and find answers,
but no answers came to me.
It's okay I guess.
It was just nice to be able to think about all of them.



Jammin to:
Numbers - Pompeii
Bad Enough - The City Lives
Rabbit Hole - The City Lives
Are We Different? - Priscilla Ahn
The Black Static Screen -VersaEmerge

Happiness is a Warm Gun

I watched Across the Universe this weekend for the first time. I fell in love with it. The movie was made perfectly. Each detailed scene was scripted and filmed with such beauty and precision it made me shiver. I love being able to watch movies like this. It also made me realize that I really do like The Beatles, there is no denying it. I can't any longer, I catch myself humming I've Just Seen a Face and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds all the time.
I am so excited to go buy it and the soundtrack!

Girl, Freal.

I'm not even sure where to begin. There are these two people who are in my life, no, make that used to be in my life, that have done something so bizarre. It makes me want to scream. Both of them talked the worst shit about each other to me, if only I had saved the conversations. Funny how it happens. Can people just not tell the truth about how they feel? I don't even know why I care, maybe it is because I feel as if I have been betrayed, used, lied too, laughed at, and manipulated. I want to be able to say "Fuck you, you deserve each other seeing as you both are compulsive liars and no one should have to deal with your lies besides each other" but I can't. Technically I just did say it, but its just a blog, it doesn't REALLY count. Just remembering what both have said to me about each other in the past makes my brain hurt. I can't wrap my thoughts around what I just saw. Ugh, I will never understand people and the choices they make.

Vivid.

As I sit here listening to The Clash, in which I do in spurts. My head is flooded with memories of a time long ago. May of 2006 to be exact. A line of cars pull into an old warehouse parking lot, rented out by a couple of guys in the white van. It was a cool evening, stars shining down upon young kids as they piled out of their vehicles laughing and enjoying the company. Two of the youngest were girls, bright eyed and full of life. The rest of the group was well into their 20's and living the life. Inside this desolate looking warehouse there was so much life. Out of one room came the sounds of Johnny Cash, Billy Idol, The Rolling Stones and The Clash. From another room full of grass peaking out of the cracks stood a few select people discussing god knows what. Probably politics or some bizarre topic that people would rather not listen in on. To the side stood the two young girls, only 15 and 17. They stood alone talking about things such as life and how their parents just didn't understand what was going on in their lives. After awhile a boy came up to them asking them what they were talking about and why they weren't mingling with the rest of the people. The girls giggled and didn't have a response. He grabbed them both a drink and their night started to get a bit more lively from that point. Dancing in the room filled with lovely music. Conversations with people they didn't know. Laughing harder then they ever had over the littlest things. There was this joy shared by everyone that night. They had no one to impress, no one to answer too. They were just being them. Living in the moment. Whatever happened that night, happened. No one thought twice about anything. It was almost as if it were a dream, yet it was all so real.






Lately, I have been jamming to:

Moment of Truth - FM Static
Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
Pray for Plagues - Bring Me the Horizon
Must be Dreaming - Frou Frou
Secret - Greeley Estates
I can Feel Your Pain - Manchester Orchestra

But what are they?

There is a reason why our moms brought us together.
There is a reason why we don't talk anymore.

There is a reason why I thought about you while in his arms.
There is a reason why you like hearing from me once every three months.

There is a reason why I still have a picture in my car.
There is a reason why you didn't delete a different album.

There is a reason why I know it won't go on forever.
There is a reason why you like me so much.

There is a reason why we are still stuck in this town.
There is a reason why we will be here another year.

There is a reason why I call you a close friend.
There is a reason why you and I don't hang out much.

There is a reason why I will always want to call you friend.
There is a reason why you are not allowed to talk or see me.

There is a reason why I left the group.
There is a reason why they didn't try to pull me back in.

There are so many reasons, yet I don't have the answer for a single one.

Fading into the past.

As I sit here, in my room, I can't help but to be reminded of my past. To my right there is a picture of me and kenzie. We are sitting at the state wrestling meet our junior year. We had such big smiles and bright eyes. We had some great times at state. This is the first year we didn't go for years. On the board next to that picture there is one of Lauren, Jeff, and I the first day we met. It was June 14 2005. Yes, I remember the date. We were all gross with sweat. Youth was covering our faces. Now, the three of us never hang out, let alone talk. The wall behind me holds the San Francisco poster I bought in 2003 when I visited there with my family. Five years have gone by and I am still determined to live there one day. To my left there are posters hanging. A Lydia one, I got it in 2006 when my old good friend Christina and I went to their show. An Underoath poster from Warped Tour 2006 holds dear memories of standing in a long line to meet them. A JamisonParker poster is next, three shows in one year, with great people whom I adored with all my heart. Lastly, a Modern Life Is War poster. Just the name of the band itself holds some of my dearest memories. I do wish them all well, seeing as we never get the time to catch up or put any effort into doing so. Sea shells decorate shelves reminding me of a great vacation with three 50 year olds and a 60 year old. Best vacation I have ever been on. On the floor there is a picture with the initials j and d sprawled in the sand. It yells at me, taunting me, wanting to be put where it can collect dust. I can't make myself do it though, too hard. A shot glass sits on the floor of my closet. It's Brookes, we used it my junior year after homecoming. Brooke and I got trashed while Jeremy and Shane took care of us. Everything in my room screams past memories at me. At times it makes me happy, at times it makes me want to scream right back asking what happened? Why are we no longer friends? Why must you haunt me every night? Why? Even every new memory I make will soon fade and become another long lost memory.

Ngi Ne Themba

I can't seem to write anything these days, its all so redundant. I hate it with a passion.
So I guess I will update all three maybe four of my readers of what is going on in my life.

-Jon and I have been dating for a month and a half. He is pretty great.
-School is stressfull.
-I either don't work enough or too much, its never just right.
-I have lost a lot of respect for one girl to whom I try to look out for just as an older sister would do.
-I got to chill with Kenzie today, it was nice, I don't see her as much as I would like too.
-I watched Jumper, Hayden is adorable.
-I have become obsessed with the song The Special Two by Missy Higgins
-I have started talking to JD more, its nice. I didn't completely lose him like I though I might.
-I had a random conversation with Oliver, the lead singer for Bring me the Horizon. He seems pretty chill. Maybe I will catch one of their shows sometime.
-I was sick for about 6 weeks and I am FINALLY starting to feel like my old self.
-I want all the snow to be gone. Its crampin my style.

hmm i think that is about it.

Sea of Doubts.

Is it wrong to compare every person I meet to him? I know it is not fair to them, or even to him. I can't help it. Once you have something great, you just compare everything else to it. I know that he is great, but he is not him (horrible writing but I don't care right now). Why do we do this? I do it with other things as well. I went on a cruise, now every other vacation seems dumb and not as exciting. Once we have something great in our lives, we seem to pick apart every little thing about everythig else just to find flaws. Things we don't like, things that turn us away. Why can we just not be happy with what we have. So what if the person or thing isn't exactly like what I had before? They or it can still be just as good. I wish I could get past this little "he is not you" thing I am going through.




so i know there are spelling mistakes, my spell check on here isn't working. sorry.





Playlist:

Remember to Feel Real - Armor for Sleep
Basement Ghost Singing - Armor For Sleep
Seven Years - Saosin
Finding Home - Saosin

The secret.

Not even twelve hours later and I am writing another one. I broke last night. After I posted, I saw something that made me realize it's really over. I couldn't hold back, the tears just came and wouldn't stop. I am not tough, I tried to be. I am weak though. People know that, and they take advantage of it. I wish all of this would just stop, leave me alone, get out of my life forever. Shit, I don't really mean that, don't leave forever, just a little bit. I really want you in my life somehow. UGH I'm going crazy.


"How is it fair to love someone who will never love you back? And who will always treat you like shit. I don't understand. But for some reason, it happens" - she put it best. It's not fair, life isn't fair. We can't help who we fall in love with or care greatly for.





Playlist for the crazy:

Pictures of You - The Cure
Kind of Perfect - Armor for Sleep
Brightest - Copeland
Open Water - Thrice
Yesterday Feelings - The Used

the last one.

haha, i wasted three months of my life on him. what was i thinking? i just couldn't see past those stupid games he played. "i love you sarah. i want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you, i hope you know that" hahaha it just makes me laugh now. was i really that stupid? how did i possibly believe for a second he meant what he was saying. there is a part of me that hopes he makes it pro in baseball, but there is also a part of me that hopes he fails. i hope he fails and is nothing. its horrible for me to say, but i want him to fail so i can laugh at him. make him go through pain of losing something that meant a great deal to him. buuuut i doubt that will happen. he will probably make it big, make millions of dollars for throwing a baseball, have three wives and six kids, yet still feel sorry for himself, cause that is just who he is or will be.


i am so sick of thinking and writing about him. i really hope this is my last post about him.

Just do it.

Listen to Thrice's The Alchemy Index Vol II Water. It is amazing. There are really no words to describe it, just listen. It kind of makes you feel at peace, like you are whole even if you aren't. This is the definition of good music.

Golden.

Lauren mentioned Fall Out Boy last night. I decided I would listen to them last night, and tonight. I forgot how much I absolutely love them. I put on of their c.d.s on and ended up playing three of the four albums all the way through. I stayed up until two in the morning listening to them. Honestly, I really like FOB. I don't care if they are "sell outs" they made me happy a few years back and listening to them still brings me joy. I never wanted to be one who stopped liking a band because people thought they were sell outs, but I did it. I did it with Fall Out Boy and now I feel bad. I never stopped liking the band. I will forever be a fan. I have seen them countless times and I would pay to see them again. So make fun of me if you please, I could care less.




Play list:

Hum Hallelujah - Fall Out Boy
Dead on Arrival - Fall Out Boy
About You Now - Sugababes
Coffee Shop - Landon Pigg
Cake Parade - Georgie James

Baseball Players.

Maybe its the uniform that attracted us.
We soon found out though,
They lie, cheat and steal.
Oh yes, they are good with their hands and eyes, but nothing else,
they like to move fast.
Always rounding bases without thinking.
They have their head in the game and do what they think is right.
They take that hit out into far left field to see just how far they can go.
Pushing every base until he is stopped, yet even then, he attempts to go on.
A simple single will not due.
Oh no, being the best on the team is what is needed.
Must show off.
Having the most home runs will make them great.
Maybe for that game it will make them great,
but at the end of the day, what do they have?
An empty field.
Empty bleachers.
Left over popcorn scattering the ground.
The feeling of greatness is gone because everyone has left.
No one cares anymore, the game is done and the players are left alone.




It's quite funny how people in my life seem to represent the game they play. They are so consumed by what they play, it starts to show up in real life. Funny, yet sad.

Research.

Tomorrow I am going to do some in depth research on a road trip Lauren and I are planning for the summer of '09. Im really excited. It is going to happen. I can't wait.

Another Perfect Day

So this song kind of got to me, big time.


Another Perfect Day by American Hi - Fi

I'm holding on, waiting for your call.
It's simple, but I can't explain this.
I'm sinking down; I feel like I could die.
I'm falling off; I don't know why.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

So I might try to leave it all behind.
I know tomorrow's not so bright now.
I'll say goodbye 'cause nothing good can last.
You wear and fade; you're nowhere fast.
But today, I don't know how to keep it all inside,
But I guess I'll let it slide.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

Today, I don't know why,
I thought that it was real,
But I guess it's no big deal.

I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.
I still believe it when you say
It's another perfect day,
Another perfect day.

I don't know how.
I don't know how.
I don't know how to let it slide.

Yeah.

Just a little update.

First full week of second semester is over. My classes seem kind of hard, so a lot of studying will be going down. If I focus I can do it. Hopefully.

I get to have the joy of being glared at in one of my classes. It makes me happy in a wierd way because its ridiculous how immature people can be.

I have been happy the past two weeks. Its a nice feeling, one that I haven't felt in a long time.

One Tree Hill has finally started again and I am excited to see what happens with all of the characters.

Gossip Girl is moving to Monday's that means no more Lauren and Sarah Gossip Girl nights because we tend to work on Monday nights. That makes me mad.



Playlist

The Art of Losing - American Hi-Fi
Rite of Spring - Angels & Airwaves
Fools & Luxury - Lydia
Dickhead - Kate Nash
Love me Like the World is Ending - Ben Lee