At last.

The fire was re lit last night. The joy in her laugh was back. That light in her eyes had never been brighter. Surrounding herself with people who cared. People who could see past her little imperfections. People who could make her laugh until she cried just by saying "BAM". The look in their eyes when they said it was great to see her. The smile on his face when they went out on the porch. The sincerity in their voices when they said to come back again soon.
She finaly felt alive, she let the past three months go just for one night and felt free. Free from all the heartache, pain and loss. She finally turned that page, and realized there is more in the world then what she tought. She couldn't be happier.

Past - Future

So here is my list of things to do in 2007
kind of failed at a lot of it, but oh well.


Graduate with honors - Completed

Get a better and more exciting job - Failed

Learn to trust people more - Failed terribly

Get an old friendship going again - Failed

Go to Warped Tour to keep the tradition going - Completed

Go to as many shows as possible - Completed

See Bright Eyes again - Failed due to mix up on dates

See Death Cab for Cutie - Failed

Make awesome memories - Completed with much happiness

Get another tattoo - Completed

Get more piercings - Failed

Read tons of good books - Failed

Try not to change cause i like who i am right now - Eh completed kind of

Try not to give a shit about what people think about me - Completed





List for 2008

Stay in the B range for college.

Change my lifestyle.

Find someone who likes me for me and who will wait for more then 3 months if necessary.

Go on a road trip.

Go to Warped Tour.

Read a lot.

Go to amazing shows.

Laugh, a lot.

Make memories that will stay with me forever.

Grow my hair long.

Stay fit.

Hold back no feelings, let everyone know what or how I feel about them.

Get more sleep.

Eat more healthy.

Save TONS of money.

Meet someone who will make a difference in my life.

Dance in the rain, under the stars and in the middle of the street.

Camp, a lot.

Just have fun!!


now lets see if I can complete more then half of these.
If I do, it will be the best year ever.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you wished I was. I am sorry I do things you don't approve of. I'm sorry I can't put a smile on your face anymore. I'm sorry I don't live 300 miles closer. I wish you still loved me for who I am. I wish you would look past the wrongs that I make. I wish you knew how much I cared for you. I wish you knew how much you hurt me.

-

You'll will be why I will NEVER EVER fully let someone into my life.
Thanks.

Write...Publish...Never Delete

One thing I hate about myself... I write what i feel at the moment and never think about it before i write and publish it. I also hate that once I hit the publish button I never delete. The delete button is right there but I can't delete what I have wrote because I feel like I am deleteing feelings. I feel as if I am going to delete part of my life. I just can't do it

desire - reversed

i do want those tingly feelings still. i dont want that damn wall up. i am so confused in life right now. i want him to be in my life and make me feel like i used to. ugh i just want answers.

untitled

I am disappointing myself.
I can't seem to write anymore.
I don't know what is with me,
whatever it is, I hope it passes soon.





I have however switched over to christmas music!!
so the playlits goes like this

Under my tree - NSYNC
White Christmas - Frank Sinatra
Blue and Cold - Versus the World
Happy Christmas (war is over) - Street Drum Corps ft Bert
Last Christmas - Roses Are Red

The Listening Post

I thought about writing something different then I ever have. Nothing came to mind though.
Haven't had a play list in awhile so here is what I have been listening to lately.



Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday
Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams
Desire - Ryan Adams
Closer - Travis
Like I do - Minipop
519 - Matt Wertz
Parker - Automatic Loveletter
Kountry Gentleman - Family Force 5

Desire.

Obviously right now just isn't the time to be with the one who I thought would be worth my time, so no one will be worth it. I think I am just going to go with it. Wherever life takes me, that is where I will go. I am tired of trying to make things work. Here is where my old care free self comes into play. I never used to get these feelings that make me tingle, and I don't know if I want them anymore. I am putting that damn wall back up and not letting anyone into my life anymore then they already are. If they try to get in further, they will hit that wall. If I kiss someone, it will mean nothing. If someone tells me they like me, I will laugh it off and do nothing about it. If I start to get feelings for someone, I will brush them off like a piece of dirt. It is how I used to be and I was happy back then. Maybe, just maybe I can be happy again.

Accident.

It was an accident. He probably didn't even see it coming and they for sure didn't. Its so sad. So young. Talented too, even though I didn't want to admit it at times. He really was. Always had a smile on his face everytime I met him. He waved at us once, not because he had to, because he wanted to (or maybe he felt he needed to? I will stick with he wanted to), the others didn't wave.
Hmm death, what a scary thought. We never know when it will consume us or our loved ones.

The feeling.

"its like when you go and see a really great band live for the first time. nobody is saying it but everyone is thinking it. we have something to believe in again" - Payton on One Tree Hill.

I want to feel this. I want to have something to believe in again. I can't wait for that day when that feeling as re-entered my body. For to feel is to be alive and as of right now I am on the edge of half dead.

Grateful

People I was thankful for this year:
(I may not like some of these people now, but they did have an impact in my life)
Mom
Dad
Chase
Dave
Lisa
Lauren
Zach
Grandma
Sydney
Kenzie
JD
Philip
Ali
Jason
Lee
Brad
Shaun
Jeff
Tyler
Harm
Tim
Lenny
Cam
Nick
Clark
Matt
Anton
John
Fatty
Dustin
Kevin
Mike F.
Chris
Adam
Mike
Blake
Chas


Things I was thankful for this year:
Music
Love
Oxygen
My dad being alive
My brother's foot being okay
Getting out of high school
Warped Tour

Ha Ha

So the past few days have been supaaa good. Its been nice. Me and him are getting along and talking, almost like we used to. It makes me happy.

So funniest thing happened this morning.

Here in your arms by Hellogoodbye is my text ring for someone (and it is pretty much the whole song) Well my alarm went off and that song was playing. So I thought it was my phone, I didn't open my eyes. I just searched for my phone, opened it and shut it. The song didn't stop and I didn't know why. So i just rolled over and let it play. 10 min later I realized I still heard music and figured out it was my alarm. haha god it was funny, probably had to be there.

But it was good to start my day off by doing something stupid that totally made me laugh.

Truths

I am going to be open and let people really in for a breif second. I don't know why I can always be open on the interent but shut people out in life. It's just some curse I was blessed with I guess. So here are some truths about me

1. I am deathly afraid of hospitals.
2. I can not handle death in an appropriate manner.
3. I honestly have 3 friends.
4. I miss my brother no matter how much I deny it.
5. I listen to Bon Jovi and like it.
6. I still sleep with a stuffed animal, I must or I can't sleep well.
7. I am brutaly honest and it backfires a lot.
8. I am scared of love.
9. I write people letters a lot, they just never recieve them.
10. I think about things to deeply and it bugs me.
11. I have a fear that the 3 people in my life will leave me at any minute.
12. I smile when I am sad.
13. If you catch me listening to Panic! At the Disco, please ask me what is wrong, I only listen to them if I am in a certain mood that needs to be talked about.
14. I put up a tough persona, but in reality I am weak.
15. I hate being tall.
16. I never feel like I am good enough for certain people.
17. I feel as if I dissapoint everyone that comes into my life wheather I really do or not.
18. I give really good advice, but never follow it myself.
19. I really really like WWII, I wanted to major in it when I was younger. Can you even major in it?
20. I talk to myself, a lot.
21. I tend to say things I don't mean because I never think before I speak.
22. 22 was Billy Alley's number, yes I watch Sprint Car races.
23. I lead people on too much and I am going to change that.
24. I used to be popular. I hated it. I was mean to people.
25. I don't like saying 'Sorry' it makes me feel even more weak then I already am.

Hmm that is all for now. I am on this truth and honesty kick, so I am sure more is to come.

CANCELLED

Today is going to be a day of blogs, I can feel it.

So I wake up right, the morning as I already stated came way to fast. So I drag my butt out of bed, wash my hair and make it curly. I don't even spend time putting on make-up, i found no use for it because they people in my class love me just the same. So anyway, I leave my house 4 minutes before class is to start, i hit all the green lights and arrive there at exactly 9:00 sharp. It usually never happens, I'm usually early or late never right on time. Well I get to the door of my class room and there is a sign on the door COMP 2 FOR MONDAY NOVEMBER 12 9-9:55 IS CANCELLED. Oh my god, you think I would be really happy about this seeing as I hate this class with more passion then anything. Well I was pissed, I had worked hard on my paper to get it done, I had woken up when all I really needed was sleep. Now I am sitting here with nothing to do until 11:15. I could go back to sleep, but once I am up for the day my body doesn't like me to take a break and sleep again. Damn.

The morning.

The morning came to quickly this morning. I am dreading going to Comp 2. I am dreading going to Math for Educators. I am dreading going to work for 4 hours in the pharmacy. I am dreading my 3 hour class tonight. I would much rather just curl up all day and sleep. I need sleep. I have lost so much of it lately. I also need to eat. I haven't felt quite like eating. I did eat some stuff yesterday, but nothing seems to appealing. According to my scale I have lost 5 pounds since Wednesday. That is not healthy, but when I get in these moods, food just doesn't seem appetizing. I am afraid I will make myself sick due to this mood I am in. Right now though, I don't think I care or that anyone would care.

Ashes and Wine

I can not for the life of me stop listening to this song. It just kind of explains my life and it won't get out of my head.


Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy

Don't know what to do anymore
I've lost the only love worth fighting for
I'll drown in my tears
Don't they see?
That which show you, that which make you hurt like me

All the same
I don't want mudslinging games
It's such a shame
To let you walk away

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Don't know if our fate's already sealed
This day's spinning surface on a wheel
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
Coffee laced intoxicating on her lips

Cut it out
I've got no claim on you now
Not allowed to wear your freedom down

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may chance your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

I'll tear myself away
That is what you need
There is nothing left to say
But

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
The day's still ashes and wine
Or are we ashes?

about previous blog:

so the previous blog i wrote out of complete rage, i had just talked to ali and i didn't know what to do. so i came to my trusty blogspot and just let it all out. but i talked to him later on, i got some of the truth, the real truth.

i know, i am such a hateful person sometimes. i can't help it. people made me this way.


it is verrrrry brutal, i am aware. i said some very mean things, some things that could cut ones heart forever probably and i am sorry.


this is just going to take me awhile to heal. but i will sooner or later.



sorry for the extremely hateful words. i am truely sorry.

The words, they mean nothing.

You're so full of lies. Have you ever told a truth in your life? I thought what we had meant something to you, but now I can see that it meant nothing. Nothing at all. You are such a piece of shit (sorry that was mean). For real. Everything you have told me these past two weeks, about wanting to start over, to fix things and that you were going to be honest was just a bunch of fucking lies.

Your exact words:
"Sarah I wish I knew what to say to you and I'd do anything to go back and not of done what I did, but I can't I'm sorry."
I replied with:
"Yeah it sucks. I gave you my heart and you broke it. I told you I can't trust people and you ruined it. You have to be honest"
You:
"I know. I'm going to be from now on and Sarah I love you and that blog hurt me a lot more then I've been hurt in a long time but I deserved it"
Me:
"Its what I really felt. If you want this to work you have to be honest."
You:
"I know"
Me:
"Will you be?"
You:
"Ya"
Me:
"Promise?"
You:
"Yes I promise"

You PROMISED. Do you realize what a promise is? Do you not realize how much you have seriously hurt me? I just can't get over how self obsorbed you are. All you think about is yourself.

You once told me that you are always the one to get fucked over in relationships. You were worried about me breaking you heart or hurting you when this whole damn time you have been hurting me. Not just me though, her too. You make her feel like she is the most special person in the world and the only one for you but its not true because you tell me the same thing. How can you live with yourself? You make her lie to me when you KNOW that we are friends now. Did you honestly think you could get away with everything you have said and done? That would be like getting away with murder, you have to be stupid to think you could do it.

I am the kind of girl that seriously lives with no regrets. I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and that no matter what I have chose to do or say, it will all be okay in the end. Except in this case. I do believe I will regret ever letting you into my life to cause as much pain as you have. I should have seen it coming, there was no way you could be as good as you seemed. There are no such things as perfect endings.

Long distant relationships, I don't believe in them now. There is no way in hell they can work out. How can they? One person is most likely to be completely honest and not do anything while the other is off doing what they feel like knowing they can get away with it because 300 miles is a long ways apart and the other person will never find out. I used to think that you were serious when you could make it to next summer but damn you couldn't even make it to the next weekend.

I'm just so glad I was another girl in your little game of lies. Another girl you can add to your long list of girls you have fucked over. Another girl you can forget about. Another girl whose heart you stole and will never fully give back.

So hard.

I wanted to see you again so bad, but not like this. It was so hard for me to see you like this, I wanted to break down and cry. The smile you gave me when you walked into the room was a true smile, but with so much sadness behind it. Those brown eyes that always have a sparkle were so dim and desolate. You covered it well, but I could tell. You were vulnerable probably for the first time in such an awful long time. For the first time you were the one in pain and people were there to help you and tell you things will be hard but they will also be okay. For the first time you were the one leaning on people for support and not being the one giving it. I wanted to help you so much, but I knew there was nothing I could do but give you a hug and tell you to keep your head and faith up. You have a lot of people that love you and you will all get through this, I know it.

"Untitled"

I wish I could erase everything from my mind. All the suspicions I have, everything I have read, everything I dream about. I wish it would all just go away. I wish I could go back to that day in August. I was happy, you made me that way. If only you actually understood what I am feeling. She likes you, cool. Guess what, I think I love you. Does that mean nothing to you? I wish you would just open your eyes and see what is going on.

I'd just like to say

I genuinely hope he is happy.
I have been thinking about it lately,
all I want is for him to be happy and if he is,
then I am too.
Nothing ever came of us,
but what I got from our friendship I will charish forever.
Our friendship showed me something no one else has been able to show me.
So thank you.

Careful now.

Love. What a fragile word. I thought I found it once, but then I realized I lost it. Then I thought I had found it again, but it is slipping away from me too. Love. It is a word people use so loosely these days. This four letter word has so much meaning to it so much emotion attached to it. When people just throw it around it looses its meaning to some. It is starting to lose its meaning to me. So if you are going to tell me you love me, don't expect much in return, for I won't know if you mean it or if you are just saying it.

him vs you

he might.


you most likely wont.

The Urge.

I really want to go on a road trip.
like right now, this minute.
I could be in colorado by noon tomorrow.
hit up the west coast the go cross country to the east coast.
say fuck it to my life right now,
drop everything and go.
I think it would be perfect and be the answer to what I am looking for.
What am I looking for?
I'm not really sure, but I think I would find out.

you vs him

would you take me?
would you believe me if i told you that you were the best thing to happen to me?
would you hold me again?
would you promise to never let go and mean it?
would you put butterflies in my stomache again?
would you?


will he try to fix this?
will he admitt that he messed up?
will he ever hold me again?
will he ever put butterflies in stomache again?
will he tell me he loves me and mean it again?
will he?

thanks lizzie legend

A Picture in words:
its a bright sunny day. the sky is pure blue. clouds scatter the sky like sprinkles on a cake. a little pigtailed blonde haired girl in a bright sunflower yellow dress swings away on her backyard swing set. the grass beneath her is green as ever, it is the perfect summer day. her big blue eyes are squinting up at the summer sun as she reaches up high as she pumps her little legs. she has the biggest grin on her face. for she knows its summer, she is young and she is free.

Inspired by Becky.

When life throws you a curve what are you really supposed to do?
Go around it to hopefully find a better path that has no curve?
or
Are you just supposed to take the curve and pray you made the right choice?
I think I am safe to say none of us know the answer.
I'm pretty sure we have tried both ways and we always end up where we don't want to be.
So what are we supposed to do?
There are only two ways and neither of them ever work out.
Every problem has a solution, right?
I mean, that is what I have been told since day one.
But,
I am beginning to think that curves really have no right answer,
its just what you make of them.

Time to open those baby blues.

It's never going to work.
A girl can only hold onto hope for so long before she opens her eyes and sees whats really going on around her.
This girl, her eyes are halfway open.
She is still grasping for that last little glimpse of hope, but she can also see the reality.
The harsh reality that has been there all along but was covered up by beautifully painted dreams and colorful words inspired by only the best poets.
She will soon open those big blue eyes of hers compeltely to find nothing but a grey dismal world full of lies, theives and trash just waiting to suck her under.

Update.

I have not really written anything in a while for everything I write never satisfies me. So I will just do a quick update on what has been going on in my life within the past few weeks.

1. There were two boys involved in the stabbing. Went to school with both.
2. Went to The Good Life show. It was amazing and just what I needed.
3. Had strep throat.
4. Now have a killer cold that won't go away.
5. Have worked far to much.
6. Realized I have no social life. At all.
7. Complained, a lot.
8. Missed people.
9. Gotten mad.
10. Missed Barack Obama at the Y do to work.
11. Figured out I HATE working in a pharamcy.
12. Realized I want to go back to the camera department at Hy-Vee Drugstore.
13. Wished that I got to spend more time with people that I care about.
14. Got to see Sydney which made me truely happy.
15. Finally happy it is hoodie weather.
16. Can't wait for Halloween, though I have nothing planned.
17. Happy November is only a few weeks away.

Hmm thats about it. I hope I can back into writing again. This wall in my brain is driving me crazy and I just want it to be knocked down.

Boring little town.

Newton, Iowa. A town of 15.000 people. Home of the Iowa Speedway. Home of the first Maytag washer and dryer. 5 elementary schools, one middle school and a high school with less then 1000 kids in it. A town that people say is a safe and good place to grow up, a town that never has anything exciting happen...until this past Saturday.
So I woke up Saturday like any other normal Saturday, I decide to run to Wal Mart with my mom. On our way back, about four streets over from my house the street was blocked off wth just about every police car Newton has sitting in front of a house that had caution tape all around it. We had no clue what was going on, come to find out later there was a murder. A freaking MURDER, in Newton, now that if effed up. The police and Crime Scene Investigators were there till late Saturday night and gone by Sunday morning. The guy killed was 19 and stabbed 6 times in the back...why?...a drug deal gone wrong, thats why. How fucking stupid are people? The best part is, the guy they charged about an hour ago, did community service at the place I work at, I will feel REAL safe with every community service kid now let me tell you.
So Newton, a nice quiet little town perfect to grow up in because nothing exciting ever happens, just took a turn in the other direction.

Curse of the Madison children

Birthdays are really no fun anymore. They used to be filled with friends and family and fun. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I no longer look forward to my birthday. My birthday for the past couple of years have really been downers. I hate birthdays. I dread my 19th coming up in a few days.
My brother and I must have a curse. We both have sat at home our past two birthdays. His 21st, he sat at home due to a surgery he had, same with this year on his 22. He just sat at home because he really couldn't do much. Two birthdays sitting at home with his foot proped up. Not what i call a Happy Birthday. Me, on my 18th birthday, I went got a tattoo and came home and sat. Why? Because everyone that was supposed to hang out with me ditched me. So this weekend, I see the same thing happening. Oh wait, people are already ditching me and my birthday isn't even here yet. So its official, I hate birthdays.

I can see clearly now

we have been friends for 12 years.
he has been a boyfriend for 2 weeks.
i can definitely see where he is more important then me.

To Whom it May Concern

You should probably just forget about me completely. I mean you pretty much have already haven't you? It seems like it. I thought that you would want to hang out when you come home. I knew you would make new friends, but I didn't think you would be so busy that you wouldn't be able to spend one day with me. I should have seen this coming, but with me, I always have false hope. I hoped that things would stay the same, but now I see that is not true. So when it is convenient for you, please let me know and we can try this "friend" thing on your watch.



love,
your once best friend.

Sunday night delight

Tonight I was taken back to a place in time where I felt so alive. So at peace with everything, like nothing in the world could go wrong. I hadn't felt like this for over a year. It all felt so right. Everyone was there for the same reason and we were all one. I was with people with whom no matter how much they piss me off, I will always love. Their energy was like they were playing to 1000 kids when in reality they were playing to 60. Its a feeling that can make any gray day turn blue. I will be forever grateful for great live music and wonderful people that can do this to me.

He is so damn destructive.

I hate when a boy tells me he loves me and that i am the one for him but then goes and tells some other girl that he misses talking to them and it makes him sad that they havent talked for a day or two and wants her to call him so that they can talk. or he tells the girl that she didnt answer his phone call and now he is sad because talking to her is the best part of his day. Now, to me that doesn't make sense. Just pick a damn girl and stay true to your word. Dont go tell me i am the most beautiful girl in the world and turn around and tell some other girl the same thing. I have been fed lies for the past year and i am sick of it, i dont want it to happen again. i thought maybe you would be different, but i guess im just attracted to the boys who dont know what they want and love to lie to me.

You fall under this too.

Stories, lies and fake alibis.
That is all anyone is anymore.

pics of jamaica, grand cayman and cozumel

Lyric of the month.

To all of my friends, where do I start. I know I would be dead without you in my heart. If theres one thing I've learned, its that we never feel the heat until we get burned. But we try so hard not to die, sometimes we forget to appreciate life. - Nick Thomas of The Spill Canvas - Appreciation and the Bomb

the "C" word scares me.

College started today. I cried. I realized that I am growing up way faster then I want to be. I can no longer say I am in high school. I used to think I was awesome when someone would ask me if I was in high school and i could respond with a "yes". When people ask me what grade i am in now, i have to respond by telling them i am in college, that scares me. i kind of wish i could have stayed in high school forever. i was comfortable there, i knew people and they knew me. it was like my pacifier when i was little, i needed it to make it through the day but hated it, and when it got taken away from me, i cried. i always laughed when people told me they missed high school and that it was the best four years of their life. well, my first day in college and i can already see that they were right.

The next big song.

Everything you ever told me was one big lie wasn't it? All those perfect things you said to me, you never meant them. You are just good with words, everything you ever said, I will probably be singing along to on your next record. The one the 'big' label and the rest of the world will love. I'm glad to know I was just a stand in when you needed someone and no one else was around. As the saying goes, "Shame on me if you fool me once, Shame on you if you fool me twice". I won't be fooled again, if there ever is an again.

The Way it Goes

I met him one week after school had been out.
I was fresh out of sophomore year.
I was a 16 years old with long blonde hair and pink highlights, big blue eyes and a bright smile.
I was young and had no clue how the world worked.
I was naive.
I had never been to a real show before.
His was my first.
I was with my cousin.
We wore some embarrassing tank tops,
but oh did we think we were the shit.
We took pictures "backstage" as it started to rain.
I thought I was in heaven.
It was an amazing night.
His music spoke to me.
He is 7 years older then me,
but his music really got me,
it was like he knew.
We became friends after that night.
He introduced me to Bukowski.
He opened my eyes to new music and
the appreciation of photography.
We would sit on his bed for hours on end just sitting.
Talking.
Laughing.
Nothing was ever awkward.
We just clicked on an emotional and intellectual level.
I loved it.
I went to many of his shows,
they were some of the greatest nights of my life.
I had some fun times with him and the others.
A year and a half went by,
things started to change.
We became more distant,
we didn't hang out or talk.
His music got him where he always wanted.
To the big time.
I was no longer someone who he wanted to communicate with.
I had become some little girl from back home.
Two years, 2 months and 10 days have passed and we are basically strangers.
So, here I sit,
Fresh out of high school about to start college
An 18 year old with short blonde hair with pink chunks, sad blue eyes and a dim smile
I will always wonder what happened.



--as i was looking through my drafts i found this. i never published it. i am not sure why. but it has been about 8 months since i wrote it. I saw him a few times over the summer. he is home, yet i haven't seem him since he got home. its weird. i can tell that the friendship is over. its quite sad due to the fact that he touched my life with not only his music, but his friendship as well. I could try to fix things, not that there is really anything to fix. i don't think it would do any good because its just the way it goes. all i can say is thanks for the memories and great times--

And it hits again.

The rain keeps coming. It wont stay away. Kind of like everything in my life right now. It just keeps coming, and when it comes, it pours. Then, when I think things are getting clear, it hits again with another downpour.

So it has rained everyday for like a week. Its getting to be ridiculous. There are floods all over the state. Power went out across town today. Kind of scary. Hopefully it will all pass soon.

okay.

so im glad no one ever reads this.
its like my security blanket.
i want people to stay away,
but i also want them to come.
shows how many people care.

----

i want to forget about you. but i cant. its impossible. you will always have a place in my heart. always. never forget that. you may slip out of my life but you are welcome back in at any time. i normally don't do that for people. once people are out of my life, i tend to not want them back in. but you, you are different. you will always be let back in. i have a weak spot for you. it has always been there and its never going away. please realize this.

You're There.

A single tear fell when I read your c.d. was going to be sold at Best Buy. Never thought this day would come. Congratulations.

Wrap Up.

Summer has come to a close. I technically have one more week left, but everyone else goes back to school tomorrow. How weird. It seems like just yesterday I was walking down the halls of Newton High School, now, I will never walk down them again. A new chapter in my life is about to start and I am looking forward to it.

So here is a wrap up of my summer:
-worked. a lot.
-saw some great bands at warped tour.
-found out the truth about some people who i thought i knew so well.
-had some great times with great people.
-analyzed my life.
-watched my dad almost die, but then be saved by an angel.
-my brother moved from Iowa all the way to Kentucky.
-i fell for someone again only to be hurt once more.
-met someone knew, who is pretty much awesome.
-realized that i can not wait to get out of this town.
-learned that i have one true friend, the rest are acquaintances.
-realized that I hate a certain boy because of how he treats every girl he ever talks to.
-missed old friends for no good reason.
-cried. a lot.
-sat at the Secret Shop with my favorite person
-watched the sunset many times
-went camping
-realized that i was/am/always will be in love with a boy i will never be with

thats about all. just a boring summer once again.

The Best Cry

Last night I had the best cry ever. It was a sad cry, but at the same time a happy one. It was very cleansing. I listened to Copeland and just cried. I started when I heard the first strum of the guitar string and didn't stop until the last strum was played and done. Within this time, I reflected. I reflected on my life from the past two and a half years until now. So many things have changed. So many things will always stay constant. People have come and gone and come again in my life. Some good, some bad. My heart has been broken, mended, broken again and now starting to get repaired once more. I have grown so much. I would like to think that I know the world a little better, but do we ever really know the world? It is constantly changing, but that is what makes life interesting...that is what gave me the best cry ever.

Same shit different day

I can feel you slipping out of my life once again. You have no clue how much I want you in it. I know I should talk to you but I am scared. All I can do is write on this pathetic blogspot because I have the worst time speaking my feelings straight to you. You are the only one that has ever made me truely really happy. I was always happy whenever I was with you. I miss getting woken up by your late night texts messages and not caring because I loved talking to you. I miss how you respeceted me and the way you would smile at me. I miss taking naps and being lazy with you. You pretty much run through my head a million times a day, if only I could tell you. I guess if you read this you will know, but if you don't, its just another lame post showing how scared I am.

Your Friends Are Gone.

I have come to realize that I have the tendency to loose friends faster then most people can spell Mississippi. I make the best friends ever, then they just leave. I am left to watch them go. I can't do anything about it either. One is gone because drugs sucked her too far under another is gone because of college. One is gone because he moved to the other side of the country, one is gone because of a girl. The list goes on forever. Sometimes I wish the word friend didn't exist. Acquaintances is a much better word. For that is all I have now. Acquaintances. For with aquaintances, you don't have to put your trust in them, you don't have to confide in them, you won't get hurt by them, for you will not seem them as often. The people I once called "friends" are that no longer. I see them maybe once a month if I am the luckiest girl in the world. One of my even so-called best friends doesn't seem to ever want to do things with me. The last time I checked best friends hang out more then four times in one summer. Her and I, we will soon become acquaintances, I can feel it. I guess I have and always will have one steady friend, thank god for her. Maybe its me. I mean I know I don't let people into my life that much, but it is because of things in the past that make me put up that wall. Does that mean that friends should leave and we should never talk again? I would like to think not, but I'm starting to think that is the case.

Bound to Happen

I listened to this song at least ten times in a row crying harder with each time. I don't know why, it just really got to me.



Bound to Happen - The Spill Canvas

I used to know you like the back of my hand
Until today you held your place
Now you're shifting like the sand
Your chest would heave with pride if I were spoken of
'Till tonight I never knew the difference between comfort and love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

This is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

I used to hold you like it's all that I had
Now begins the falling out, we are like a passing fad
Your mouth would crack a smile if I were spoken of
'Till tonight you never thought
you'd lose this epic battle with love

Although you're sleeping right next to me
Well, it feels like you are wide awake in a distant dream
leading a life that is finally free
of these endless nights and countless fights that turn us into
who we hate to be

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

For what it's worth, I've always admired you
I always thought that we could make it through
Now look what time can do
It took our masterpiece we built and broke it in two
I always believed in you
I always loved you

And this is so difficult for the both of us
I know we tried so hard, there's just no hope for us
Well it's more than a shame that we lost to this game
All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing -
nothing will ever be the same

EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

So i just found out that Hanson has a new cd out. Im so excited. Yes I am excited about Hanson. I fucking love them with a passion! They are my only band that I still like from when i was like, 9 hahahah. Eeeek!!

Lucky #13

Day one:
5:00 am
Woke up. I was up before the sun. That NEVER happens. But I will do whatever I have to for my bands.
6:15
went to get lauren. loaded all her stuff and got ready to head out.
6:40
we were on the open road.
10:15
we reach our hotel. totally pumped.
10:30
get on the metro thing
11:00
arive at motha fuckin warped tour 2007. lucky #13. (lucky is right)



it was way hot but not to humid so it was alright i guess. we met up with chris and anton and chilled with them for most of the day. it was sweet to see them cause i dont get to see them enough.
so the bands we checked out were:
Boys Like Girls, Funeral For a Friend, Straylight Run, Chiodos, Cinematic Sunrise, The Spill Canvas, Paramore, Pepper, Cute is What We Aim For, Poison The Well, Red Jumpsuit Apperatus (from waaaay far away), Alkaline Trio, unfortunatley some of Hawthorne Heights, Circa Survive.
We got back to the hotel around 10:15. after checking in, we went and ate at Fridays. I sat down, looked over to my right and saw Nick Thomas of the Spill Canvas eating. lucky for us, he stayed in our hotel so we got to enjoy looking at his cute face a lot. no we didnt talk to him. we were dumb. we also didnt want to bug him. oh we also saw cody's twin at fridays. CRAZY haha

Day Two:
Got up. went to eat breakfast. saw nick getting his breakfast. got ready. checked out with Nick right behind us. went to the mall. saw Cute is What We Aim For, then we saw Killswitch Engage eating sushi peacefully untill some stupid crazed fan boys bugged them by being really creepy. We saw a shit ton of others too. it was amazing. shopping sucked. the mall of america is by far to overrated. so we finally left the mall and all the bands behind and left around 5:15 back to dreaded iowa.


it was an amazing weekend. i will get pictures up soon.


PLAY LIST ON THE WAY TO MINNEAPOLIS:
CURSIVE
NSYNC
BEAT STRINGS

PLAY LIST ON THE WAY HOME:
THE SPILL CANVAS
HANSON
SHINY TOY GUNS

Do dreams come true?

I had a dream last night.
You and I were together. We were happy. We lived close to each other. I knew what I wanted and so did you. It was one of the best dreams I have had in awhile. Myabe one day this dream will become reality.

Huge Rant.

Do you really like music, or is it because its the cool, in thing to do? I mean has music really impacted your life? Like I mean REALLY impacted your life? Is there a certain song or band that helped you through some of the toughest shit in your life and when you hear the song or band it takes you back to the time and makes your cry because its so powerful? There are more bands out there then Panic! At the Disco, Gym Class Heros and A7X, you know that right? There are bands out there who really dig deep into the meanings of things and express it with such passion. Those bands you wont find on the radio. Do you know any of them? Just because you read AP and watch Fuse does not make you a music lover. Half you, I swear, only get AP because you want to fit in. Do you support the local music scene? Do you know of bands from around your area that are making it big? Did you also know that just because a band as "hot" people in it, they aren't always good? Being "hot" should not make a band. Yeah bands have cute people, but lets focus on what really counts, what they are saying. Who cares if you have the same shirt as one of them, or you totally want their peircing or lyke oh my gawd his hair is awesome. Ugh people!, for real I don't get you. I'm sorry but I can't stand all you out there who are "so into music" right now just because it is the "cool thing". I am pretty sure in another year or so you will be back your your regular jockey, "oh my god i hate scene kids and their hardcore, punk, emo music" selves. Till then, please don't ruin the good music scene. Thanks.

no capatlization

these are my thoughts, prayers, dreams, hopes and feelings. i will write as i please. it is what is in my head. take them as you wish, i know you will. you will twist them to make them be what you want them to be. so go on, fantasize. think that everything i write is about you, or you, or maybe even you (yeah you, the one in the corner) keep wondering. for you will never know.

I've got no room to complain

yesterday made me very happy.
i spent the day shopping with my favorite person in the world.
we hit up the best place in the world.
then went to Jordan creek and were very loud in almost every store we went in.
loud laughs rock!
we also got a compliment on our outfits,because well, we pretty much have it going on.
then we got told our outfits were weird by three guys who were wearing gay ass shorts with sandals that old men wear and dumb t-shirts.
yeah no room to talk kiddos.
whatever
it made us laugh.
then we had a group of girls stare at us. not trying to hide it either. man do people have problems now-a-days.
oh well.
i got killer grandma looking sunglasses. that makes me happy too.
yep pretty much a good day all together.

It beats me everytime

It is people like you that make me despise this town.
You talk yourself up like you are some righteous person but then turn around and fall from grace, yet it is okay because it was you.
God forbid someone do something before you get to it.
You are not going to always be the first person to do something.
Get over it.
People will beat you to a trend that you think makes you stand out in the crowd but really just makes you fit in even more.
I just dont get it.
You and I used to get along so well.
We were friends.
We used to laugh and have inside jokes.
But...
I fell off the path first and I am the worst person in the world.
Whatever I dont care anymore.

Quite and Calm

Today was pretty lame.
Went to see my dad.
Worked.
Sat at home.
Sitting at home is becoming a regular thing.
I don't like it.



Playlist for the week:
Sam Cooke - Cupid
Shiny Toy Guns - Chemisty of a Car Crash
Paulson - Window Frames
Peter Bjorn & John - Amsterdam
The Feeling - Never be Lonely

Lyric of the Day

You hold the rights I'll never own
And i've never felt
So alien
Don't tear us apart again

What is the use of it
We're ok, it's nothing . .
It's all chemistry of a car crash



Chemisty of a Car Crash - Shiny Toy Guns

Loves Completely Real

I just want someone.
Someone I can turn to.
Someone who will be there every minute of the day.
Not just when it is convenient for them
or when they are home.
I want someone who wants me as much as I want them.
I want someone who will put me in my place if I do something wrong.
I want someone who will tell me how it is, not what I want to hear.
I want someone who will love me for who I am, even if I make mistakes.
I want someone who will respect me.
I want someone who will do anything for me and do it without a fuss.
I want someone who will joke around with me and not get offended.
I want someone who will fight for me. When I start to doubt things, I want them to prove that they still love me and that they will never let me go.



I know this is sooo much to ask for, but I can't help but want it all. I have found so many people that do some of this, but not all of it. Hopefully one day, I will get it. Love is completely real, I just have yet to find it.

It's all real.

This wont slove the problem. It's not just some bad dream that I can wake up from at any minute. It's real life. It really is happening. I can't solve all my problems by what I have done the past few nights. fuck.







update:

i have finally eaten a real meal. it was hard to eat but i did it.

i still haven't slept that much but i will tonight.

Just what I needed.

Last night was just what I needed. I still thought about it, but Tim was there to help ease my mind about it all just for a night. It was nice to surround myself with people who care, so thank you Tim and Jeff, even Andrea. Thank you.

Here for the taking.

He looked Death in the eye and told Him that it was not his time to go.
He told Him he had a family back home. A son that would be devistated to know his dad wouldn't be at another track meet ever again, a daughter that would be devistated that her dad would never get to take her camping and fishing again, and a wife who would not be able to live without him. He told Death that he would not go no matter how bad Death wanted him to. Death told him that the people up above thought he was gone already so why not just prove them right. He told Death that he was a fighter and no one could talk him out of living. So he fought Death he fought Him until the end, when he finally surfaced and saw the light along with the people above.

fuck

i need sleep. i'm exhausted. i need food. i have ate one proper meal in 52 hours.

Just a few things

A list of things I want to do before I die.
-Study abroad
-Graduate college
-Backpack through Europe
-Live in London
-Climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
-Go to an airport with a bag, passport and money and hop on the first flight available.
-Ride a gondola in Italy
-See Morrissey live
-Road trip across the whole country
-Write an article for a magazine
-Go on a hot air balloon ride
-Follow a band on tour
-Take pictures in a picture booth
-Go to New York for New Years
-Visit Pearl Harbor to pay my respects
-Eat a whole box of oreos by myself
-Leave a 100% tip
-Go through a toll booth and pay for the car behind me
-Run my own business
-Cuddle all day long in bed
-Watch the sunrise in Florida and the sun set in Cali. In one day.
-Play board games all night with close friends
-Live on Raman Noodles and Dr Pepper for a week
-Live somewhere long enough to have an accent
-Get the "I did it my way" tattoo in rememberance of my grandpa
-Learn to speak Dutch
-Visit Denmark
-Visit Sweden
-Learn about my family history
-Teach
-Walk on the beach with someone I care about
-Go horseback riding

Days like these are great

Yesterday, something happened that never happens. I got hang out with three of my favorite people all at once, for a WHOLE day. Why does this never happen? I am not sure, I try to make it happen a lot but it just never does. It was nice though. I wish so much that it would just happen more often. I don't think it will, so yesterday was a treat and I enjoyed it very much.



Play list for tonight:
Frank Sinatra
Dean Martin
Bobby Darin

Lovely

Yesterday I went on a bike ride and sat around a fire in my back yard with Lauren. It was quite refreshing. We has some good laughs and wonderful conversations. I don't know what I would do or where I would be without her.
Today we rode our bikes again, layed out for an hour and a half and got ice cream. We also listened to Lilly Allen and talked about our future plans.
This weekend was very lovely.

LND

I am so excited. This could be my home for ten weeks in a year and a half.

The Night I lost the Will to Fight

I get on not knowing what is in front of me. I buckle my belt and keep all hands, feet, and other objects inside at all time. It starts out slow, nothing to exciting, then I start to climb, I feel a rush of joy as I reach the top. I'm at my highest high, no one can stop me. Great things are happening. I think I can stay here forever. Then, in a blink of an eye I start to spiral down, down, down. I then start another slow pain full climb to the top only to be greated with another down fall. I see the end in sight and I am ever so happy, but it won't stop. The ride, I can't get off. They won't let me off! No one seems to care, they all seem to sit back, relax, and enjoy it. They smile as I pass by watching me slowly climb to the top and tumble down without control.

Strangers in the Night

- Talking about Bukowski and his awesome way of writing.
- Watching Laguna Beach and making fun of it
- Listening to The Clash, Morrissey, and Saves the Day
- Texting at all times of the day
- You making fun of me because I always look "so deep in thought"
- Explaining to everyone of how we know each other every time we went out
- Watching Green Street Hooligans and me falling in love with it.

Those are just a few things I miss about you.



- Writing in our notebook
- Obsessing over boys we met on vacation
- Being my twin sister
- Our band, which never had a consistent name
- Sliding down your stairs in sleeping bags
- Staying up until 3 in the morning watching our favorite movies
- Saying every line to Bring it On.
- My first and last Titanic buddy

If I could get all those times back I would in a heart beat.



- Sapphire Magic
- The puppy dog club
- Our awesome Halloween costumes
- Our adventures in your backyard
- The science fairs
- The killer dance for On Top of the World for the talent show

Those elementary memories will never fade.



- Swinging on our feet
- Getting matching tattoos on the inside of our lips
- Long lost sisters seperated in Kindergarten
- KEC
- Ugly lawn ordiments
- Piercings
- Texting during school
- Getting overly excited just to see one another

They were all great times that ended to soon.

Lyric of the day

"A girl pukes out the window on a car door. Her childish eyes say 'I don't want this anymore, I want to be a woman, no no see I don't want to be a whore' "
- The Good Life, New Year's Retribution

Innocence

The life through a child's eye is so sweet. If only we could all see the world like they do.

The 23 of June

"I want to burn down this town, make sure I kill all the memories of you, thats what I'll Do".... I could be watching Lukas Rossi right about now, in Des Moines. Up close and personal instead of from where I watched him with Rockstar: Supernova a mere six months ago. I would have only had to pay 20 dollars this time instead of 70 too. Funny how these bands that are made on t.v. break up within six months. INXS and Rockstar: Supernova both did. Crazy cause they were both pretty good. But I guess when you have people like Tommy Lee in a band what can you expect right? haha.


anyway today was boring. I babysat for what seemed like years. they were a pain in the butt for about an hour then they finally settled down after we watched a Strawberry Shortcake movie. We blew bubbles outside too, it was kind of fun.


My Playlist for the past week:
Maria Taylor
Cursive
Ingrid Michaelson
Tori Amos

Ha Ha!

Things like this make me proud she is my best friend...
"They're all sluts. Watch out A7X, you've got competition."

Its true

Today was wonderful.
Simple as that.

Top 5's

Here are my Top 5's of things.

Books.
1. Crank
2. Burned
3. American Skin
4. Impulse
5. Catcher in the Rye


Bands.
1. The Spill Canvas
2. Bright Eyes
3. Dashboard Confessional
4. Copeland
5. The Clash

Shows.
1. Spill Canvas/Copeland
2. Dashboard Confessional
3. Bright Eyes
4. JamisonParker/An Angle
5. Warped Tour 2005

Movies.
1. Pearl Harbor
2. Titanic
3. Alpha Dog
4. Green Street Hooligans
5. High Fidelity


Vacations.
1. San Fran, Cali
2. Gatlinburg, Tennessee
3. Denver, Colorado
4. Branson
5. Minneapolis


Places to visit before I die.
1. London
2. Paris
3. Australia
4. Sweden
5. Denmark

Father's Day

Today was Father's Day.
It was kind of boring.
Went out to eat in Des Moines with my dad, mom and broseph.
Gave dad a card with a small gift to show my appriciation for him.
Came home.
Went to Lauren's and watched High Fidelity.
One of my top 5 favorite movies.
Then came home.

Cleanse Song

I'm happy for you, I really am.

I see your life and I can't help but smile.

I try to hide it, but when no one is around, it comes out.

It brings joy to my life knowing things for you are going so well.

The friendships you've made.

The fascinating stories you tell.

So many opportunities that people only dream of, you live them.

So many things that I know you've wanted, that I know you deserve.

I'm proud of you.

I am happy for you from a distance because being close to you is not my place anymore.

I am so thrilled by these little accomplishments of yours.

The realization that all your dreams are coming true.

Believe me when I tell you, that I feel genuine happiness for you.

But I'm a little sad too, because you're happy in life..... without me.

A Sorta Fairytale

Little girls always dream of their prince charming. Gorgeous men who would come save them on their white horses at just the right moment. They would ride off into the sunset to their big new castle and spend the rest of their lives in happiness with gold, money and other riches. I dreamt this dream once, but it all changed when I got older. I had a different vision of what my prince charming would look like. He wasn't gorgeous, good looking, yes, but not gorgeous and he most definitely did NOT ride in to save me on a white horse. If anything it was a crappy old car that he has had for years because he is nowhere near rich or even close to being able to buy a nice car. My prince would save me just at the right moment and we would drive back to where ever it be that we were living, with no gold, money or riches. We would live in happiness due to each others company, good music and love. Granted a castle and riches would be wonderful. But this is not a princess fairytale, it is my sorta fairytale.

...

I'm confused. Imagine that.

I must belong somewhere

I want to get out. Hit the open road and see where it takes me. A camera, good tunes and a good friend is all I would need. The world has so much to offer and I never get to see it. I am sure I don't belong here for the rest of my life. I want to be free from all that is here. All the things that have trapped me here for so long. Break the chains and fly free, thats what I really want. Right now.

My Confession.

Here is my confession...
For some reason you are out. You were a "friend" for awhile. We used to do things together, hang out, talk, eat lunch together. Then, you used your smooth words and tactics to leer people into doing bad things. You got caught and were punished. But now, now you are back. I don't like it at all. I want you to be gone again. You obviously didn't learn a thing from where you have been for over a year. I used to want you back, I used to think that you may have changed for the better. You haven't, you never will. Your smile that used to be so mischievous, I am sure has not changed either. I don't want you around, you make me nervous. I have yet to see you, but when I do, don't expect love from me like everyone else has shown you. You will get a hostile cold stare with no emotion for you what-so-ever.

The Take Over, The Fun is Over

Adults take things way to seriously. Kids just want to have fun, can they not do that anymore? Is having fun and doing something stupid one time in your life illegal now? I mean come on. 6 kids from my school decided it would be fun to have a food fight on the last Friday of the school year. The cops were called, charges were pressed, news reporters came, it is everywhere now. Kids at Newton High School are just a bunch of hooligans I guess. The food fight was said to be like "combat", okay lets exaggerate just a little bit shall we? Ten years ago if someone was to start a food fight, the teachers would have given them rags and told them to clean it up, but now it has gotten to the point where charges have to be pressed? What the fuck is this world coming to? I am scared to know what things will be like when my kids go to school. It will be like a fucking Nazi Camp.

Check It...

Us Camping...

Priceless

Camping was pretty much fun and relaxing. There was a lot of rain, a lot of food consumed, cool people, not-so-cool people, and a lot of almost floating away.

Its All Coming Back

The sun is out today.
I pray for no more rain, for tomorrow I get to camp.
Camping is one of my favorite things to do.

My dad and his randomness makes me smile.
Lauren and I sitting around the fire until one or two in the morning.
Going on long walks and climbing the rocks.
Watching people ride their bikes by us a billion times.
Being skanky and no one caring.
Having deer come waaay to close for comfort.
Pigging out and getting fat.
Looking up at the stars
Getting cold and sitting by the fire.
Relaxing.
It all just makes me extremely happy.

I am so excited! I just can't wait!

Do I know you?

Who are you? I can't see the same person I once saw. At one time you used to jump at the chance to hang out with us. You used to want to hang out with us. You would contact me all the time, checking up on me making sure life was treating me good. Now, its like you could care less if I was even alive. You are letting things get to your head. You are NOT some awesome person. Remember where you are from and who is here for you through everything. I am certain some of those people you put over us wont be there forever. They are there just at the moment. Learn to laugh, smile and love again, because of right now, I'm not sure you remember how to do any of that. Fuck, I just don't get it. Hate me, whatever I don't care. When you fall from this high horse you are on, don't expect me to come to your side and help you.

Picking apart the night

A rush of butterflies from one,
Just plain lust from the other.
One looked at me with this look in his eyes that made me melt,
One looked at me through drunken eyes in which I looked back just the same.
One said things that made me smile and want more,
One said things that would make a girl blush and do things she would regret.
Both were fun.
Both were what I wanted.
Both were what I got.
Will I ever think before I do something?
Will I be like this forever?

Having a crush is so much fun. But Lust is great too. Life is just so hard.

Rain Rain Rain on my Mind

It's raining out. I love when it rains. I love thunder and rain, but HATE lightening, it's weird. I wanted really really bad to go walk in the rain but since it was lightening out, I then decided it would be better if I just stayed inside.




Youtube Playlist for the day:
Beat Strings - Before the Light
Apolo Anton Ohno - Samba
Cute is What We Aim For - Risque (acoustic)

Yaaay baby

Apolo won! Im happy. Time for bed.

Dance the night away

So I am obsessed with Dancing with the Stars. I have been since week one when I found out that Apolo Anton Ohno was on the show. I have loved him since he won the gold in the Olympics a few years back. He is just adorable. Anyway, Joey Fatone from *NSYNC and Leila Ali are the other two people still in the competition. All I have to say is Apolo better win, if not Joey better. Got to support my old love too, good old Joey Fat-One.

Graduation and Prom

Graduation Party and Prom Picturessssss

Me Ashley Zach and Lauren at my Graduation Party

My favorite little girl to babysit

Me and my Brother

Jason and I on Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrom

Matt and Lauren, Me and Jason, Kenzie and Chas

Lauren Me and Kenzie

My nightmares would go away

I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I have been in this mood where I don't want to listen to any of 200 cds I own. I have the best music ever, yet nothing seems to appeal to me in the morning. Its so strange. Today I decieded to listen to The Spill Canvas, one of my all time favorite bands. I about cried listening to it while I was getting ready this morning. It took me back to a few years ago when all my friends got along with no drama or hate towards anyone, back to the good days.

How Great

Morrissey. He is pretty much wonderful. Listening to him can always put me in the best mood.

The weather

The weather outside is great. This time of year makes me feel so alive. I know that summer is just around the corner and my days will be full of fun and friends. This weather is perfect for sitting on peoples porches laughing and having fun. It is perfect for sitting out on patios with a fire until 2 in the morning. It is perfect for camping, getting away from everyone and relaxing. Its perfect for road tripping. It is just all around perfect. I couldn't ask for more.

End or Beginning?

On Friday I had my graduation party. It was super fun, but at the same time sad. The time has come to move on with my life. My high school years have ended and a whole new road is layed out in front of me. A new road with many different paths that I may take along the way, a new beginning to my already on going life. It is just so hard to believe that I have gone through 13 years of school and now my day has finally come. All my friends will be beside me as I take the next big step, and we will have so many more great adventures! I can't wait.